The Ten Step Program
by snuggled
Summary: The sequel to His Favorite Food, HinaChou, this story regales how Shikamaru sets out to win the hand of TenTen. With each step getting him nowhere, will Shikamaru finally lose his cool and explode? Contains a bit more swearing, silliness, angst; COMPLETE
1. A Little Less Conversation

_The long-awaited (Ha ha, long? Really? Try no waiting at all. Try no one actually wanting to wait for it.) sequel to "_His Favorite Food_" is right here. I struggled with the title: Ten Steps to TenTen; Ten For Ten; etc–until finally I came up with _The Ten Step Program_. I liked the idea because the previous one was more sexual-sounding than it actually was, and this title suggests drug-rehab or something. I think it's also a good reflection on how much more…logic-oriented Shikamaru is._

_Chouji thinks with his stomach, his heart, his emotions; Shikamaru thinks with method, logic, strategic observations._

_Now, as for the topic of Chapter Titles, these are like most of my other fics–based off of freakin' song titles. But this time around, they aren't just song titles, oh no! _

_They're song titles of Elvis songs! Because whenever I think of Shikamaru, I think of Elvis Presley. Not really, but it's oddly fitting for him, don't you think? I started out just taking this phrase for this chapter title and it clicked–now all the chapter titles are named after Elvis songs. Heh heh._

_This one I first heard about from _Ocean's Eleven_. I'm lying. I actually heard it in dance class. We were going to dance to a remix of this song, but since we weren't good at dancing at all and the song was faster than she (the teacher) liked, she changed it to something crappy. I think she changed it to something like _Love Is a Battlefield_, and not the one you're thinking of. (We are strong, yadda yadda yadda, No one can tell us we're wrong, yadda yadda yadda. Not that one.)_

_Either way, I have fallen in love with this song, and it became the title of this. It's oddly fitting, since the conversation between TenTen and Shikamaru in this chapter isn't so much a conversation as it is an interrogation._

_Hope you enjoy this chapter. It's a bit more serious: trust me, the others get pretty funny._

_I mean, come on. It's supposed to be a comedy: so why am I learning how to play shogi just to give Shikamaru a bit more a tactical mind-set using it? This is boring. Ugh… When he says, "capture their weaknesses and use those against them to tear them open even more to see how they were" he's referring to the fact that in shogi, when you capture a piece, you can put it back in the game and use your opponents captured pieces against them. Unlike in chess over here, where once you take them out of the game, they stay out. (Unless you play like me and my brother. We do the whole "pawn reaches the end of the line and turns into a piece that was removed" thing. If that's legal in chess, then oops. I don't really give a crap about board games anymore._

* * *

**The Ten Step Program  
**_"A Little Less Conversation"  
Steps One and Two_

"_I wouldn't want to live with regret… Even if Hinata doesn't like me, at least I'd have told her… At least I wouldn't be looking back on it and wishing I had for the rest of my life…"_

Shikamaru sighed, looking up at the sky. He couldn't do this… At least, not the way Chouji had suggested. He was way more methodical then Chouji. Chouji was a bit more bold in that department, when it came to seeing something he wanted and going for it. He couldn't help but wonder how that was working out with Chouji. He'd left about thirty minutes ago; maybe he'd found Hinata and was already confessing his feelings to her…

He sighed, grumbling and rolling over. Who was he kidding? He was terrible when it came to girls. Sure he could observe them, and sure he knew how to read people, but TenTen…TenTen was an enigma. He had to find out what she was feeling first before he made his move. He had to stay two steps ahead of her. It was just like a game of shogi. He'd move his pieces, test out his enemies weak points, capture their weaknesses and use those against them to tear them open even more to see how they were, learn how they moved, how they reacted, how they responded. Sure, he'd make some sacrifices, but he'd never do anything so stupid as to let his king go unguarded…

He stood up, sighing. The way he saw it, there were ten chances to get to her. Ten different ways of moving in her direction, so he had to figure out which would be the most effective. He'd start out small at first, then he'd become more aggressive when it was needed. Just like in shogi.

Well, that was that. The first step was to get to the bottom of this whole Neji question. He'd seen them together, talking and laughing and eating together. What did he mean to her? Were they dating? What exactly was their relationship? All of this, he needed to know all of this before he decided how to move next.

He walked off, off to go find her. He passed by Chouji a few times, and he looked flustered in his endeavor to find Hinata. At one point he considered helping him out or wishing him luck, but he was too busy for that.

And that was when he saw her–she was standing by a tree, all by herself, sorting through her scrolls, by the looks of it. He smiled a little as he watched her, noticing how there were a few locks of brunette hair falling out of the buns in her hair… He gulped, swallowing all insecurity in him. This would require tact, a fast mind, and best of all–acting.

He thought calmly about what he'd say to her, then approached.

"Hey, TenTen…"

She looked up at him for a moment before giving him a queer look. "Hey, Shikamaru… What are you doing?"

He smiled, looking arrogant. He couldn't let her know how much he wanted to have a civil conversation with her, not until he knew if there was even the slightest chance that they'd be able to become anything closer than friends. "Just taking a walk, when I happened to stumble across you looking lost. Need help with your scrolls?"

She raised a brow, smiling back at him with contempt. "Ah, no thank you. I'm afraid this is a bit more advanced than you might think… You might not be able to handle it…"

He didn't want to admit he was slightly hurt by how stand-offish she was being, but he knew it was only because he was acting so arrogant. Before he could even reply, she looked at him, staring him in the eye with more contempt than he was used to.

"On your walk, did you happen to see Chouji walking around?"

Shikamaru nodded his head, a little confused and betrayed. Why was she always asking about Chouji? Did she like him or something? "Y-Yes. I did."

She pursed her lips, giving him a long look before looking back at her scrolls. "I suppose you know he's looking for Hinata. I certainly hope you at least wished him luck. Something about the way he was moving told me he was planning on telling her something important… He was desperate enough to try her house, too… When I asked him if he tried there, he said that was the first place he looked…"

Shikamaru hid a smile behind a hand. Sure he felt guilty about not wishing Chouji luck, but he couldn't help but admire that about TenTen. She was good at reading people, she had a way of thinking that he found attractive–she was smart and dedicated…

"You listening to me, or are you too reclusive to even finish listening to people's conversations?" He looked at her, and she continued. "That's the most annoying thing about you, Shikamaru. You think you're so smart and so perfect…" She shrugged her shoulders, finally deciding on stretching her back. She leaned back, her voice growing even higher at the affect of the movement on her ribcage and, thus, her lungs and the way the air came out of her throat. "People like that are so boring, you know. I'd like to be as perfect as the next person, but perfect people who act all high-and-mighty are just…boring…"

She cracked her neck and looked back at him, eyes smoldering. "They're too predictable…and that's boring."

Shikamaru had to fight the urge to agree with her whole-heartedly and get into the conversation. He cleared his throat, ready to unleash Step One.

"_Step One: Ask her about Neji."_

"And another thing, I'd say you're too lazy for your own good. You can't expect to get better acting like that. I mean, when was the last time you did some serious training? Yeah, it's great you've got such a high I.Q., but that shouldn't excuse you from normal training…"

"I heard from Chouji that you were going out with Neji… Are you?"

She froze, staring him right in the eye. For a moment she looked as if she were trying to come up with something to say to that, trying to figure him out, but that moment soon passed. Soon, however, it was replaced by a sly smile on her face. Shikamaru paled, fearing she'd seen through him already.

"What do you care, Shikamaru? I never took you for one to care about dating and stuff like that… Sure, I can see Chouji being a concern for you, but he's your friend. I'm certainly not a friend…"

Shikamaru nodded, leaning back against a tree coolly. "I was actually interested, because if that were the case, it would mean there were two minor characters involved with each other…"

She looked at him, agitated. "You're a minor character, too, Shikamaru."

Shikamaru waved a finger. "Not technically. _Technically_ I'm a _supporting character_. Though there's hardly any difference, it's the difference between being killed off senselessly and being saved for later use somewhere…"

TenTen laughed. "What, so you think I'm going to be killed off?"

Shikamaru swallowed. Now, that idea was dreadful. She was too beautiful, too smart, too everything to be killed off. He had to save himself, quick! "I certainly hope not. After all, who else can I count on to be just as much of a jackass as Neji?"

TenTen glared, making a motion as if she were about to leave. "How am _I_ a jackass?"

Shikamaru shrugged his shoulders. "Because out of all the girls, you treat me the worst. I can't really see why or what you'd have against me, if anything. So that leaves the question–why do you hate me so much?"

She stuttered, finding herself unable to say anything. For a moment she stood there, flustered, before she looked back at him. "What do mean? You mean you can't see what I have against you? You must've been zoning out, because I had just finished telling you when you started spouting off this Neji and me dating nonsense!"

Score! He mentally congratulated himself, getting that out of her. He grinned. "So, I suppose Chouji was wrong then? Figures. I already told you that with an attitude like yours, getting a boyfriend was pretty much an impossible dream…"

She snarled, finally taking a step toward him. "And I told you I had no interest in that nonsense. Dating is for people who feel like they need someone to be happy. Like Ino and Hinata. Girls like that are the reason why female ninjas aren't given nearly enough credit!"

"Oh, so you're a feminist now?"

"Do you know what it's like to go through school expected to have crushes on guys you hardly even talk to!? Just because you're a girl, you have to have someone you like or else it means you're lying! It was probably easy for you, since no girl would touch you with a four foot pole, nor would you touch them! If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were gay!"

Shikamaru laughed. "And with the things you have against men, I'd say _you_ were gay…"

Her cheeks flared up, and she rolled up her scrolls and put them away. She made a motion to leave, but Shikamaru stopped her with a single sentence.

"You can't deny the fact that you probably _did_ have a crush on someone back at the Academy. It may have even been Sasuke…"

She turned to him, face bright red, her finger pointed at him threateningly. "I'll have you know that I take great pride in not falling for that waste of penis. That's exactly what he is, too. He makes a better woman than a man, and all the girls seemed to be obsessed with him. I still can't wrap my brain around that! He had no interest in girls! I hate the fact that girls automatically go for the guys who have no interest in them! It's insulting to the man as much as it is an insult to the women involved!"

He smiled, ready to unfurl Step Two.

"_Step Two: Ask her if she really thinks I'm boring. Ask her what she meant back at the Academy."_

"Really? So what did you have against me?"

She started to laugh, sounding slightly manic. "Wh-What!? What do you mean what did I have against you!?"

Shikamaru crossed his arms over his chest, nodding his head in her direction, his face like stone. "Back at the Academy, I overheard you talking to a bunch of girls. They started off by talking about the boys, you laughed at a lot of them, and then they mentioned how smart I was. You said I was too boring. Is that what you have against me?"

She blinked, her eyes wide. "What? You _heard_ that?"

His eyes narrowed. "Are you kidding me? You actually thought I was asleep, didn't you? Like I'd be able to stay asleep with your girls screeching like hawks… So, is it the fact that I'm boring that you treat me so terribly? I'm a human being, you know."

She stuttered. "Did you not hear what I'd been talking about earlier? Predictable people are boring to me, and you're just as predictable as Gai-sensei. Sure it's not for the same reasons, but I can always count on you acting in a way that'll save your skin and keep you ahead of the game. Shikamaru, maybe you don't realize it, but I can pretty much tell how you're going to react to a single sentence. In fact, you're probably going to blow this whole thing off because you feel you're too good to be predictable."

Shikamaru felt a stinging in his chest, knowing she was right but refusing to believe it. After all, that was exactly what he was doing right now–he was keeping himself at a distance to stay safe. He looked away, stubborn. "Whatever. You're still a minor character…"

She nodded her head, smiling a little in his direction as she left. "Still, I have more character than you…" He glared in her direction.

"I don't just save my skin. I save the skin of my friends."

TenTen just nodded. "So you don't have to live with the guilt, right?" Before he knew it, she was gone.

It felt like he'd been punched in the gut. Part of him knew it wasn't true, but part of him knew that was another reason. He really liked that about TenTen. She was good at reading people and thinking critically.

It was the fact that she always made a habit of using it to eat at him that he hated.


	2. Suspicious Minds

_This one is called _Suspicious Minds_. I really like this song, except I only ever remember the tune and not the words. The words don't really match up with the title, but I just love the song. It's still about jealousy. This chapter may also be a bit long, but that's mainly because Shikamaru and Sasuke argue a lot in it._

_My birthday was two days ago. I would've uploaded yesterday, but my friend came over so we could talk about our recent change in plans for next summer's A-kon. Apparently we may be going with one of my other friend's parents to take the stress off of my friend. (BETH.) And when I say my other friend, I mean the one that lives forty minutes away._

_Hee hee. She actually read the part about Sasuke and couldn't stop laughing, so I hope you all find it as entertaining as she did. She laughed a good thirty minutes. But that was mainly because she kept inserting her own jokes in places. Stuff like, "Why is it SasuShika all of a sudden? It's supposed to be ShikaTen! And why aren't you writing NejiTen? Neji's the one that like her, not Shikamaru!" Of course, I laughed at that. She was referring to it being ShikaTem, but I don't really like that pairing. Why do something so…obvious? I have much more fun doing stuff no one really expects. Which is why I have a SHINOTen story buzzing around in my head. Not really a story, but the pairing. I think they'd work just fine, and I'd enjoy writing a story in which both main characters in it complain about never getting enough screen time or even a back-story. Of course, then TenTen would be able to say things like, "Well, at least we see YOUR father. For all the audience knows, I could be an orphan!" And then Shino could make a quip like, "I wish I _were _an orphan. It's better than having a dad that looks like a male stripper."_

_I'm really off topic today, aren't I? I'm just excited is all. (I'm totally ordering a bunch of Creatures CD's and Gozilla movies with the gift card I received for my birthday. That's probably why. Mothra and King Ghidorah are the best. My brother has a toy Mecha-King Ghidorah that lights up and makes screeching sounds. He got it a long time ago in the nineties, when Godzilla was big in merchandise. Now it's been filled with Naruto and the crappy new-gen Power Rangers, Porkemon, and the nex-gen Speed Racer remake that sucks ass. (Did anyone see the movie? It was flipping awesome. It's one of those movies that gives you a head-ache, but it's a GOOD kind of head-ache.)_

_Speaking of, top five favorite (animated) shows when I was a kid: (In order of what I remember the most, i.e. most recent to least recent.)  
_1) _Dragonball Z  
_2) _Johnny Quest (The sixties version and the other one with 3D effects and stuff. That one was crazy insane, though I really liked the original better. I just don't remember as much of it since I was so little at the time.)  
_3) _Reboot (Does anyone remember that show? I LOVED it.)  
_4) _Pokémon  
_5)_ The Thundercats (Hell yes!)_

_Of course, don't forget about the Care Bear movies. The first two each have parts of them that are my favorites, but when it comes to one over the other, it has to be the second one. When Dark Heart totally kills Christy, he's all like, "Noooooooo!" in a very Darth Vader-ish sort of way. "What have I doooooone!!" Heh heh. My favorite part of that movie, actually. That and the very end. In regards to cartoon-crushes before anime, he was definitely my first cartoon-crush. He was just so…red! Ha ha. Him and that red track-suit. He was a sexy stud. Looking back on it now, I can actually laugh at how silly I was. I'm still trying to decide if I like his bullfrog form over his fox form. Both of them had such hilarious stoner faces… I take that back. His crocodile form is definitely my favorite. And the pissed-off rhino face. HA HA!_

_I was also a big fan of the Power Rangers. In regards to actor-crushes, my first major actor-crush was on the Blue Ranger. (I had and still do have a slight geek fetish.) His name started with an S. Simon, maybe? It wasn't Tommy, was it? That was the White-Green Ranger, right? Or was Tommy the Red Ranger? I'll never remember. All I remember is that Kimberly was my favorite. (Of course. She was the PINK Ranger. I even had a Pink Ranger doll, with the costume and everything. I also had the Yellow Ranger, but that one was shoved in the back of the closet.) I'm actually starting to see something really wrong with that show. The Yellow Ranger was Asian, and the Black Ranger was black. Doesn't anybody see anything wrong with that? O.o Of course, I was sheltered as a kid and never thought anything of it; I'm sure adults thought something of it, because they wound up having an Asian guy replace the Black Ranger in the movie, right? Or was that something else?_

_(Does anyone else ever fantasize about going to the toy section in insert your preferred toy-buying location here and finding Krillin action figures? (Krillin was my first anime crush. Bulma/Krillin was my first anime OTP.) Maybe it's just me. I was a bigger fan of Dragonball Z than Sailor Moon and Pokémon. Sailor Moon was gag-worthy in my opinion. So was Card-Captor Sakura. I never really got into them. Then again, it probably has something to do with the fact that I was raised with no girls living nearby, so I pretty much played Killer Instinct and melted heads off of army figurines with my brother and his friends.)_

_Sorry, Sorry, SORRY. I just turned nineteen and I have a raging "running out of time in my lifeline" complex, so I tend to do a lot of remembering of the stuff I loved in childhood around my birthday. _

_(I even tried to convince my mother to rent one of those party rooms for a tea party with dress-up and tea cakes and everything. She said no, obviously. Mostly due to the fact that the only friends who live near me now are three lovelies either already in college or going into college, one of which is a _boy. _He calls himself Itachi and called his ex-girlfriend Sasuke when they were together. How creepy is_ that_? Definitely not (or is he?) the type of guy who'll go to a tea party willingly.)_

_As for the chapter, I got a review for the first story, "His Favorite Food", from CobaltHeart, and she (I'm assuming she's a she, as I do with all my readers.) mentioned that she'd like to see how Chouji and Hinata's lunch went, and I thought that was a great idea! (I hadn't even thought about their lunch, if you can believe that.) So, expect some ChouHina in an "Interlude" chapter I'm writing. Hee hee. The reason why it's not a filler is because it doesn't diverge from the storyline, while something like an "interlude" would sort of...catch up. If that makes any sense..._

* * *

**The Ten Step Program  
**_"Suspicious Minds"  
Steps Three and Four_

He figured he could make her jealous, poke at her and see if she got upset. But that would require some serious thinking on his part. How would he make her jealous, and what would he do if it failed and she didn't even care? He had to think of a plan of action, so he finally decided to act two days later.

Thus, there, near the place she trained, he sat down and pulled out a magazine two days later. He'd bought it at the store he'd pulled Chouji into, and most of the pictures contained panty shots and busts. Figuring he could make it seem like he was in love with his _own_ teammate, he decided to draw a picture of Ino's head and paste it over one of the girl's faces. If TenTen were to see that, she'd get jealous for sure!

He glanced at her idly when she walked into the clearing, alone. He busied himself with the magazine, wondering where on earth her teammates were. That's when he heard her–

"Oh great, so just because Lee's feeling a bit under the weather we have to quit the training for today? I can't _believe_ this! That boy is babied way too much! Of all the teachers I could've had, I had to get _Gai-sensei_?? If only I were a year younger… I could have gotten Asuma!! Maybe then I'd get some respect! Maybe then I'd have some time alone with–"

She stopped when she caught sight of him, and her face turned bright red.

"H-How long have you been sitting there?"

Shikamaru paled, realizing he'd been staring at her the entire time. He buried his face in his magazine, trying to act like he hadn't just heard her wishing she'd gotten on the same team as him. Despite the fact that he knew they'd been placed into teams with people that best complimented their own unique fighting styles, and despite the fact that he knew she was a year older than him, he couldn't help but wish the same thing as her…

He heard her footsteps against the grass, and her hand grabbing the magazine from his hands caused him to shoot backwards. He stuttered, finally realizing that this was it– This was the moment when he'd fulfill the third step!

"_Step Three: The Dirty Magazine Trick."_

She quirked a brow, looking the page over. "Is that…" She looked back at him, looking slightly amused. "Is that a crudely-drawn picture of _Ino's head_ stuck onto a picture of a woman whose breasts put Tsunade-sama's to shame?"

Shikamaru turned bright red, nodding. The sudden feeling that this was a bad idea crossed his mind, but it soon passed. Bad idea? What was he thinking?? None of his ideas were bad!

She tossed the magazine back at him, scoffing. "Ugh, and I thought you were _above_ something like this, Shikamaru… Do you know how disrespectful this is to women? Women aren't just giant pieces of eye candy put on this world to be entertainment to men! They're human beings! And for you to be lusting after breasts that big–do you lust after Tsunade-sama's breasts!? I hope you look at this and feel guilty, you pervert. Tsunade-sama is a better ninja than you'll ever be and you should respect her better."

He gulped, his face turning even darker. But she just continued.

"You better hope Ino doesn't find out about this."

He looked up at her, paling. "Wh-Why? You aren't going to _tell_ her, are you?"

She shook her head, crossing her arms over her chest. "No, I won't. Because she worries too much about her figure already, and if she were to realize someone as uninterested in women as you likes things like this, she'd assume Sasuke was the same way, and she'd become that much more obsessed with having a perfect body." She shook her head sadly, walking off. "She…She d-deserves a better teammate than you, Shikamaru. I only wish you realize how much it hurts women to think they're not pretty enough before you end up hurting someone you care about."

She left him, and he realized this was probably the worst mistake he could've made. He gulped, staring back at the picture. Boobs that big were atrocious, in all actuality. And… He paled, looking back in the direction she'd gone in.

"Shit. She's still a girl…" He sucked in his breath and shot up. She was still a girl, and she probably still had insecurities, and he'd probably just shattered her self-confidence. He gulped, remembering how much more of a pain Ino was when she was trying her latest half-starving diet.

Guilt consumed him, and he grabbed the magazine, ripping page after page out in anger.

She was probably voicing her own feelings on the matter. She probably wished she looked like that now, too.

––––––––––––––––

Neji was coming back from his cousin's house and his uncle's training session when he came across TenTen leaning against a wall, shaking. He bit his lip, going to her side. "T-TenTen?"

"Hmm?" She made a sound, her voice quivering. Her face was covered, and she didn't even look at him. After a tense moment, she put a hand to her mouth, shaking harder.

He put a hand on her shoulder. "TenTen, are you alright? What's wrong?"

That's when she lifted her head, bursting into hysterics. He swore he felt his spine jump out of his back and fall back in place, and realized how wrong he'd been. She wasn't crying–she was trying extremely hard not to laugh.

She laughed, long and loud, and he shifted uncomfortably. He wasn't used to her being like this…Lee and Gai-sensei, maybe…but not her. He winced as she turned to him, eyes shining.

"You should have seen the look on his _face_, Neji! He looked mortified! Like his own _mother_ had caught him in the act!"

He gave her a puzzled look, unsure what she was talking about. "Wh-What? Whose face? The act of _what_?"

She wiped a tear from her eye, calming down a bit. "Shikamaru was looking at a dirty magazine and I berated him for liking huge breasts… You should've _seen_ his face, Neji. It's so much fun to see him get so flustered." She burst out laughing again and Neji's face turned so purple it nearly went blue.

He felt _so_ bad for Shikamaru… That poor guy…

After a while, she fell silent and turned to him. "Neji, tell me, do you think my breasts are too small? They could stand to be a bit bigger, couldn't they?"

He went red, feeling _highly_ uncomfortable. He shifted away from her, stuttering even more than his cousin. "I…I–I…I d-d-don't… D-Don't…" He sputtered some more until finally he managed to spit it out. "I… I d-d– D-Do-Don't ask me questions like that! Wh-Wh-What d-do you expect me to s-s-say!?"

She started laughing again, pinching one of his red cheeks. "Ha ha ha, Neji… It's fun seeing you flustered. Guys like you should be flustered more often. It's very cute."

He spun around, starting to walk off, staring at the ground. He cursed himself, cursing how much he was acting like his cousin right now. But what could he say? TenTen was practically his Naruto!

TenTen watched him go and then looked down at her breasts with a small pout. "All girls have small breasts starting out, TenTen. You're just lucky yours are a bit big for your age…"

––––––––––––––––

The next day, Shikamaru had reworked his plan. Originally he'd planned on finding a girl to help him, but all the girls in the village talked amongst themselves. They were like some kind of crazy gossip hotline. He couldn't do that; if he wound up using a girl that liked him to make TenTen jealous it'd be cruel, and if he wound up using a girl that didn't like him to make TenTen jealous, she'd probably just go blab about it to everyone anyway.

At one point he'd considered Temari, since she was so far away, but that was the exact same reason why she couldn't help him–she was too far away.

He swallowed, remembering that…thing…Naruto did. He couldn't get Naruto, because when he used his technique, he wound up looking just like himself but with a woman's body. He'd have to use someone no one would expect, and Konohamaru was too young to actually understand how serious his predicament was and the amount of tact it would take.

And that's when an idea struck–he'd seen it fairly often: Sasuke's ability to copy various jutsu. That's why, when he found Sasuke eating lunch alone the next day, he figured it was as good a time as any to approach him. He paused, trying to come up with a feasible argument that would work out in his favor.

When he'd gotten it and gone over all of the possible responses from Sasuke in his mind, including any retorts to them, he walked over and sat down next to the raven-haired boy.

"Hey, Sasuke."

He glanced over at Sasuke, who hadn't even given him a single glance. "Shikamaru," he mumbled, as he brushed a few pieces of rice left from his fingers from the rice ball he'd been munching on onto the ground.

Shikamaru sighed, looking up at the sky. "I was wondering if you'd help me…"

"With what." It wasn't even a question.

Shikamaru winced, realizing with a smile that he was nowhere near as dead-pan as Sasuke. He looked over at him to find Sasuke staring at him, looking him over and trying to size him up. He gave the boy a small smile and looked away quickly, feeling awkward.

"Well, I wanted to make TenTen jealous."

"Do you actually think she's going to be jealous for someone who's seemingly in a homosexual relationship?" His eyebrows rose and fell, and he looked side-long out at the lamppost to the right of him. "I'd have taken you to be smarter than that…"

Shikamaru frowned, twisting his hands around the other. "…You've seen Naruto's Sexy no Jutsu technique, right?"

Sasuke's eyes darted to him, menacingly. "No way in hell, Nara."

"You don't even know what I'm going to say."

"Oh, I _do_. You're going to ask me to copy that jutsu and pretend to be a girl. And there's nothing in this world you could give me in return for a favor that idiotic."

"What about Sakura?"

Sasuke's glare only deepened, his eyes turning blacker than Shikamaru had ever seen them. "I don't _want_ that pink-haired bubble-head. She's annoying and absolutely useless, you know. All she does is go on about how much she wants me and that idiot Naruto to get along. She goes on and on and on–morning, noon and night–about how I need someone in my life to make me happy. I don't need _anyone_ or any_**thing**_ except the strength to rip my brother's head off with my bare hands."

Shikamaru frowned. "What if I knew of a girl who wasn't annoying and didn't push herself on you…"

Sasuke glanced back at him, studied him for a minute to discern whether he was lying or not, and his expression softened considerably, though he still looked angry. "Who would that be?"

"You know of Temari, from the Sand Village, right? I can easily talk her into _anything_."

He put a finger to his lips, thinking, before he pointed back at the genius's face. "A date? You can convince her to go out with me?"

Shikamaru nodded, an almost lecherous smile slowly creeping to his face. "_Anything_."

Sasuke's eyebrows rose. "A _kiss_?"

Shikamaru nodded again. "_Any_thing."

Sasuke held out his hand, waiting for Shikamaru to take it. "We have a deal, then." Shikamaru shook on it.

"Good…"

About an hour later, he found the results of his endeavor quite satisfactory. Sasuke didn't look like Sasuke at all. On the contrary, he simply looked like a dark-haired beauty, all pale skin and dark hair.

By all accounts, Sasuke looked _fine_, in every sense of the word. Because Naruto's technique was usually done in the nude, they'd had to find some fitting clothes for it. Shikamaru wound up looking through his mother's drawers for the smallest clothes he could find.

The clothes were a bit too big, but that was good–it made Sasuke look that much more petit and womanly. While Naruto made sure the body of the woman was all curves, Sasuke was smart, conjuring up the body of a very thin, almost frail girl.

Shikamaru took a look at him–her–and smiled, feeling ready. "That's great, Sasuke. You don't even look like yourself."

Sasuke groaned in relief. "Good, because I don't know what I'd do if someone recognized me…"

"Probably self-mutilation…"

Sasuke looked at him, suspicious. "What did you say?"

Shikamaru shrugged, hiding the smile well. "Prick them like a giant pin-cushion." He looked Sasuke in the eye. "You know, make them wish they hadn't messed with you and vow never to tell a soul."

Sasuke nodded. "Ah…right. Yes, that's pretty much what I'd do."

Shikamaru nodded, psyching himself up. "Alright, then let's go. And try not to look so nervous… No one will recognize you."

"Wait, don't I need a name first? You can't just expect to come up with a name off the spot."

Shikamaru smiled. "Yes I can. Momoko. There, that simple."

He blinked, feeling ridiculous. "That sounds like the name of a monkey."

"Would you prefer Orochiko?"

"No way in hell."

"Then _what_? You want to be obsessed with the name, you come up with something, but do it quick."

"It has to be witty. And cute. No girl goes around with a name like _Orochiko_. That's like begging to be harassed."

"Then come up with a name, Sasuke!"

"Kimi-chan."

Shikamaru gave him a look, then turned around, promptly leaving. He was getting way into the cute names, wasn't he? Kimi-chan? It screamed cuteness. And the way he said it so fast? Was he planning on naming a kid that or something??

–––––––––––––––

While they were walking through the square, many people–men and women–turned to watch Sasuke walk by. His hair kept blowing in the wind, getting in the way of his face, and he glared vehemently, tugging on it in an attempt to make it decent. One boy cried out, tugging on his mother's dress.

"Mommy, I just saw a ghost!"

Sasuke grew even more uncomfortable, despite the fact that his hair made it almost impossible to tell who he was, due to the sheer amount covering his face. Shikamaru finally turned around, poking a tongue out in thought. After a moment he pulled some of Sasuke's hair out of his face, grabbing a bobby pin he'd been holding for Ino and clipped it in, causing Sasuke to look a bit less like some kind of creepy drown victim.

He smiled. "There, Kimi-chan. Now everyone can see your pretty face."

Sasuke muttered threateningly. "Don't even, Shikamaru. You want TenTen to see us, not everyone in town. How will you explain the loss of your lovely Kimi-chan after today to everyone in Konoha? Only so many people will believe she ran into Orochimaru in the woods and found out just how much like a snake he really is…"

Shikamaru laughed, waving a hand at him. "You're so cute, Kimi-chan. Don't ever change."

Sasuke looked as if he'd bite the offending hand, and walked past him, putting on a quick and poorly-done falsetto. "Oh, Shika-kun, you're too funny… Come on, let's go some place _private_…"

He grabbed the boy's ear and dragged him off to an alley, finally feeling free to talk. "What are you doing?" Shikamaru had to laugh at how girly his voice sounded from the jutsu. He probably didn't even need to use a falsetto. The Uchiha shoved him into the wall, throwing his arms out in an aggravated manner.

"What was that back there?" He turned red. "You're supposed to be wooing TenTen, not _me_, you idiot!"

"I have to make it believable."

"Bull! You only have to do that around TenTen, damn it! If you want to act the part, act it when she's in the vicinity, otherwise I'm out!! I've got better things to do than have a _boy_ flirt with me!"

Shikamaru sighed, putting his hands on his hips. "Fine, but the second TenTen appears, I'm going to go all out."

"No kissing."

"And if she looks at us like she's expecting us to kiss?"

"No. I've already lost my first kiss to that idiot; I'm not losing my second to a guy, too! And especially not someone like _you_!"

"Oh, like I'm going to be happy with the fact that I'm kissing you! You think I _want_ to do this!?"

Sasuke glared. "A little bit! Why don't you just go up and tell her like a normal person? How am I supposed to know you're not using this as an excuse to snog me, you pervert!?"

"Because I'm _not_ a normal person or a pervert! Just let me deal with my own problems with girls. If I remember correctly, you're counting on _me_ to get you that date with Temari, and in order to get that date, you have to follow my lead."

"Fine, but not on the lips!"

"Fine."

With that discussion over, they traipsed back out of the alley and into the street. Every once in a while Sasuke would throw googly eyes at his "boyfriend" for good measure. Now that his hair wasn't in his face, he noticed more people blushing rather than paling in fear. He shifted uncomfortably after a while, never being really good at this. Girls his age he could deal with–older men and younger boys…he wasn't so sure.

He grabbed Shikamaru's sleeve, getting up nice and close, whispering hoarsely. "Sh-Shikamaru… How about we take some back routes, eh?"

Shikamaru glanced back at the boy–er, girl–and frowned. "You're really not that social, are you?" He sighed, looking up at the sky. "Fine, but–"

"Shikamaru? Is that _you_? Who's that with you?"

Shikamaru's eyes shot to the source of the voice, and he paled, looking something like a deer caught in the headlights. Sasuke's face flared up and he grabbed even tighter at Shikamaru's sleeve, realizing he knew that it was TenTen, and TenTen was friends with _Ino_.

Shikamaru's face turned red and he stuttered. "O-Oh…TenTen… How nice to see you…" Here would come Step Four.

"_Step Four: The Girlfriend Ploy."_

She went a little closer and leaned over towards Sasuke, looking him over. Her eyes narrowed, and a small smile tugged at the corners of her mouth. "…Please tell me that's not Sasuke…"

Sasuke's eyes shot back to Shikamaru, almost pleading with him to come up with something, and Shikamaru laughed. "S-Sasuke!? Are you _kidding_ me!? He'd look too weird with long hair!"

Sasuke giggled, adding onto that comment bitterly. "You got that right, Shika-kun! He'd look too much like his brother… Ha ha ha… …Tee hee." He caught himself muttering, "Bastard…" as a reflex, and recovered, simply smiling at TenTen and fluttering his eyelashes for good measure.

TenTen looked at him, then her face collapsed. "Pfffft…" She started to laugh. "You're not fooling anyone, Sasuke… At least, you're not fooling _me_… What _are_ you trying to do?" She turned to Shikamaru, suddenly finding it in her to nearly pass out at the thought she was about to voice, it was so humorous to her. "You afraid people will be mean to your date if he went out like he normally did?" She started laughing again, and from the corner of Shikamaru's eye, he caught sight of Sasuke's now-tiny fists clenching.

Shikamaru laughed. "Actually, this isn't Sasuke. This is Kimi-chan, and she's my girlfriend."

TenTen quirked a brow, placing a hand on her hip. "So…what's _Kimi-chan's_ full name?"

"Kimiko," said Shikamaru, in unison with Sasuke's quick, "Kimichi."

TenTen looked at them skeptically, nodding her head, her tongue poking out in thought. "Huh… So…Kimichiko-chan, you from around here? I never saw you at the Academy. Are you not training to be a ninja or something?"

Sasuke nodded fervently. "Y-Yes, I'm training to be a house wife! Me and Sh-Shika-kun have an arranged marriage!"

TenTen smiled. "You're fine with your parents telling you how to live your life?"

Sasuke's face fell, and he cleared his throat. "W-Well…they're not… E-Eh… Th-They don't care what I do as long as I'm happy."

TenTen quirked a brow, leaning toward him. "Got any…_siblings_? You know, is there a Kimichikamaru-kun in the family? Maybe even a Kimikochi-chan?" She smiled. "Siblings are the best. I'm an only child, so maybe I'm just going by what I see, but I've always envied people with siblings. They always get along _so_ well… Of course, everyone has an occasional fight or two. You should've heard what happened to the Uchiha family. I'm sure you did. After all, an entire clan of people being wiped out… That's got to travel around pretty fast. Of course, there was one survivor and he's a total sad-sack." She laughed again, shrugging her shoulders, nudging "Kimi-chan's" shoulder playfully. "But who _wouldn't_ be after something traumatic like that? I'm almost glad my family never gets screen time…" She sighed. "If only that boy weren't a main character; that fate wouldn't have befallen his family…"

Shikamaru grabbed Sasuke's hand and squeezed, causing Sasuke to look up at him. Shikamaru paled, seeing just how raging-teeth-and-claws-tooth-and-nails-angry the raven-haired Uchiha looked. He shook his head, and Sasuke took a deep breath, finding himself.

"No. No siblings. …They're dead to me. Dead to the family."

TenTen nodded. "I'm sure that's why you're the one who has to have the marriage arranged, then…" She shrugged her shoulders. "It's nice to see Shikamaru getting along with such a nice girl like you… I'm sure you two love each other a lot…"

Shikamaru leaned towards Sasuke, patting his shoulder. "Yes, we love each other a lot. We were so happy when we found out our marriage had been arranged…"

"Oh, then I'm sure you two have no problems kissing, then."

Both boys paled, and TenTen smirked evilly. "Am I being too forward?"

Sasuke shook his head fervently, his mouth flapping around uselessly; he was too terrified she'd demand it from them to say anything.

TenTen shrugged her shoulders. "To be honest, I always thought Shikamaru was gay, so I thought it was a bit strange for him to be walking around with a girl… But if you are the real deal, and he were gay, he probably wouldn't be able to do it. Of course, if you're Sasuke, he'd probably jump right on it, since he's gay and all."

Shikamaru stuttered, trying to find some loophole in that and finding none. Instead, he managed to find his voice, emitting a feeble question. "Y-You thought I was…gay?"

TenTen nodded. "Thought Sasuke was gay, too. After all, he never showed interest in _girls_. And with that whole kiss with Naruto–"

"That kiss was an accident! That's the problem with all of you girls! You're always thinking about–"

Shikamaru panicked, desperately thinking up a way to shut the boy up and finding none off the top of his head. So, his body moved on his own and he crammed his lips against Sasuke's.

Sasuke shut up immediately and brought an arm up, slapping him in the face. He backed away slowly, glaring at him. Shikamaru rubbed his cheeks, turning red, stuttering up a good lie. "K-Kimi-chan, you didn't have to do _that_. I know it was in public, but I couldn't help myself. I love how cute you are when you get angry."

Sasuke nearly screeched. "You can take our arrangement and shove it up your ass, Nara!!" As he stomped off, Shikamaru found himself glancing back at TenTen. The girl was starting to shake.

"You two really do make such a lovely couple. Is the wedding going to be an open house sort of thing, or is it family only? I'd love to come…"

Shikamaru rolled his eyes, muttering. "Open house."

TenTen nodded her head. "Good. Because when it comes time for any objections, I'm going to have to come clean about Sasuke. I'm sure he wants a family again, but posing as a woman and marrying another man isn't the way to do it…"

Shikamaru felt his cheeks flush, and TenTen smiled, poking him. He spun around, and she winked. "I'm pretty sure whatever you were planning failed. You might want to go tend to your bride…" As she walked off, he could hear her break down into fits of laughter.

Shikamaru sighed, shaking his head. He'd have to track down Sasuke–after all, that guy _was_ wearing his mother's clothes. As he passed the alley they'd stopped by, he caught sight of smoke billowing up. He turned, noticing the raven-hair and his mother's dress. He ran over, finding Sasuke glaring at the wall, looking like he was going to kick it.

He turned when he heard Shikamaru approaching, and hissed at him. "What do you see in that _bitch_, Shikamaru!?"

"Okay, so maybe she was–"

"You said no one would recognize me! You said I didn't look like myself at all! TenTen, some girl who barely pays attention to me knew it was me! What if Ino happened to be walking by, or Sakura, or even _Naruto_! You said everything would be fine! Now everyone's going to think I'm a freak! Some freak that likes dressing up like a woman and prancing about town!"

Shikamaru sighed, holding his head. "Look, I know it didn't turn out perfect–"

"Perfect? _Perfect_? Of course it wasn't perfect. She kept throwing my dead parents in my face. She kept bringing up Itachi. She kept calling us gay! We're not–"

"How do you think _I_ feel!? The girl I'm trying to impress thinks I like men! Just because your parents are dead, you think you have more of a right to complain!"

"I do."

"Well, maybe you do, but you don't have a right to complain about her bringing it up every ten minutes! Naruto's an orphan, too, but you don't see him complaining. And why? Because his outlook's not screwed up like yours!"

"No, because he doesn't know what it's like to have a family one day and lose it the next! My entire _clan_ was killed off, you moron! I have every right to be pissed off and complain about it!"

There was a long moment of silence, both of them glaring at each other. Finally, Shikamaru sighed. "Can I at least have my mother's dress back? She wore it on her first date with my Dad, and it's sentimental to her."

Sasuke's glare even deepened, and he ripped the dress off, not even caring if it got torn in the process. "Well at least you _have_ a mother…" Shikamaru was surprised to see his regular clothes underneath, until he remembered it was just a jutsu that had made him a nude girl, and now that the jutsu was no longer in use, his regular clothes came back.

Shikamaru took the dress, folding it up nice and neat.

"Now, that date with Temari? You promised, Nara."

Shikamaru gave him a look, tossing his head in the air. "I thought you said our arrangement was over. Or were you saying that to make TenTen think our 'marriage' was over?"

"I didn't mean it at the time and you know it. Set me up with her."

Shikamaru cocked a grin. "Well, I'm sorry, but I don't know how that would be possible, seeing as how she lives so far away. Besides, we just barely get along as it is…" Then, he left.

For a while, Sasuke leaned against the wall, sulking, until finally he couldn't take it anymore. His hands reached up to his hair and he started to tug in anguish, nearly ripping out a few locks. "That bastard lied to me to get me to do exactly what he wanted…" He looked up at the sky, shouting. "All I ask is for _one_ kiss from a _girl_ who's not a complete psycho and what do I get!? First, Naruto and now _Shikamaru_!? **What did I do in a past life to deserve this!?**"

–––––––––––––––

As he walked back to his house, Shikamaru couldn't help but wonder if Chouji was doing any better than he was. After all, he hadn't seen Chouji in days. He hoped Chouji was doing fine…


	3. Teddy Bear

_-Farnesworth voice- Good news, everyone! The friend (BETH.) who laughed at the Sasuke part came over today and now she wants to put my story into comic form! Right now she's drawing–because that Sasuke part is her favorite–the faces she's going to have them make during that scene. Heh heh. When she uploads it to the internet, I'll give you guys a link. She's really good. It's adorably cute–Sasuke's wearing a flower pin in his hair and glaring at Shikamaru. xD We're thinking about selling it at A-kon. That's just wishful thinking, though.  
_

_Anyway, here we go, Chapter Three, the Interlude Chapter. It regales the adventure of Chouji and Hinata's "date" in detail, told in Chouji's perspective, as well. At first, I was just going to call it The Interlude or something equally lame like that, until I got to a point where I wanted Hinata to say something and agree with his mother (You'll see that.), and Teddy Bear fit too perfectly. Most girls end up saying their boyfriends are teddy bears, right? That is, unless their boyfriend is all spiked up and stand-offish, like some girls like their men… Don't know why… (Scratch that. I see the appeal, and it's GOOD. Ha ha.)_

_Either way, that part made me think back on Teddy Bear, which fits, I guess. Because it doesn't really fit ShikaTen, since so far their relationship is full of fail, and Chouji's is blossoming, so that's good. _

_So that's what the title will be._

_I was thinking of something, thinking about Shino and the fact that his father looks like a male stripper and how Shino wears all those layers… And I got to thinking… Who in their right mind covers their face? And I realized, that if that was the case, it's not a stretch for Shino to take off those coats and have a little man-fuzz growing on his chin. The reason why he wears all those coats? His father won't let him shave, and he doesn't like his beard growing in. xD I can just picture it. And then he takes off those glasses, and his eyes are missing. HA HA. Sorry, I'm just picturing him accidentally poking them out trying to shave… Because he can't, since his dad refuses to teach him._

_Of course, the bugs LOVE it, because it gives them a little jungle adventure. Pfffft. That's sad. Shino… Shino and his bugs…_

_I hope you all like the ChouHina in this chapter. And Shikamaru's paranoid delusions. (Yes. This chapter is the one that I promised to CobaltHeart.)_

_Also, Hinata doesn't stutter as much not because she's more comfortable with her relationship with Chouji, but because, after typing up two complete chapters without it, I realize how much of a pain it is to have her stutter. Because for me, I can't just put random letters on her words and have it fine. I am such an OCD-ridden sop, that I actually have to painstakingly read and re-read her lines just to see what sounds better and more normal. I mean, for someone who stutters, it's so easy to have them stutter every other word or something, but it doesn't work like that in real life. I catch myself making her stutter in a pattern all the time! But real people don't stutter in a pattern. They stutter over various sounds. And there are certain sounds in the English language that are easier to stutter over than others. So it's a pain in the BUTT to make people stutter._

_In short, Hinata doesn't stutter as much in this because I'm lazy._

* * *

**The Ten Step Program  
**_"Teddy Bear"  
Interlude_

Shikamaru couldn't wrap his head around it. What did he have to do to make TenTen jealous!? It seemed like she knew exactly what he was doing, what he was planning, but she couldn't _possibly_ know he liked her, right? If she knew that, she would've brought it up; she wouldn't go about egging him on like this.

"Uh…Shikamaru?"

But she was a girl; she could be planning something, too! Something even worse! He'd always thought there was something about her, something she was always hiding! Sure, he knew how strong she was, and how she was always pushing herself to do her best, to become even stronger, but she wasn't stupid. She'd _known_ it was Sasuke, so she ended up trying to set Sasuke off. She wasn't–

"Sh-Shikamaru? Can you hear me? You're not dead, are you?" _Crunch._

She wasn't a sadist, was she? She certainly seemed to get a kick out of watching Sasuke blow up like that… He sighed, rolling back over onto his back, eyes shut in aggravation. He couldn't take it. He wasn't getting through to her at all…

_Crunch._ Shikamaru opened his eyes and nearly shouted when he caught sight of Chouji standing there, blocking his view of the clouds. There was a timid smile on his face, and his friend was eating from a bag of chips.

Chouji's smile intensified. "Wow, so you _are_ alive. I was starting to worry. It's not like you to roll onto your stomach like that… Why did you let your hair down?"

Shikamaru groaned, sitting up and rubbing his head. Huh… Chouji was right. His cheeks tinged pink, and he laughed nervously. He hadn't even noticed when he left the house… "Oh… I guess I forgot to put it up…"

Chouji smiled, taking a spot next to him. "Got a lot on your mind?"

Shikamaru nodded, before turning to him. "Uh huh– Wait, you have no right to say that to me! I haven't seen you for three days straight."

Chouji nodded, taking a handful of chips and chomping down. "Well, Asuma-sensei's been with Ino for one-on-one training for a while now…"

"Yeah, but for three days!? You usually meet up with me and everything!"

Chouji turned red, poking his fingers together and laughing. "Actually…I've been busy…"

"Busy…huh… With Hinata, I take it? Listen, Chouji, you better not do that whole 'leaving your friend thing to spend time with your girlfriend' thing that always seems to happen…"

Chouji blushed. "N-No, I won't! I just…invited Hinata to my house yesterday… My mother wanted to meet her, and I thought it'd be nice to repay her for all the lunches she's been making me…"

"Well, how'd it go?"

Chouji deflated, sighing a little. "Actually, it was sort of a flop… And it's not like Hinata hates me now or anything, but my mom embarrassed me a lot by telling all these stories and it turned into this big mess…"

Shikamaru smiled. "Well, let's hear it…"

Chouji blinked. "Who?"

"Me."

"But you said 'let's'… D-Doesn't that mean there's more people?"

Shikamaru waved his hand at him. "Oh, just ignore them."

"Them??"

"The readers."

"Who!?"

"I kissed Sasuke."

"What!?"

Shikamaru snickered. "It's a long story. I'll tell you after you tell yours. I'm dying to hear how it went with Hinata…"

Chouji smiled. "Oh, yeah, it was pretty fun, despite the fact that it turned out as a flop! So here's what happened…

–––––––––––––––––

It was a marvelous day when Hinata made her trek out to my house; though, by the time the sun was directly overhead, she was absolutely tired and over-heated. She was sweating bullets and panting heavily, and when I offered to take her coat for her and let her cool off, she refused.

While I pondered why everyone on her team seemed to dress in heavy winter clothing in this heat, while their teacher wore next-to-nothing, even in winter, she walked around, inspecting the house.

That's when my Mom came in. She took one look at Hinata and squealed, going over to her and grabbing her hands. Hinata looked terrified and pleased to meet her all at the same time, but it got worse when my mother said, "So you must be Hinata… My boy's been talking so much about you… " She turned to me, grinning. "She'd look wonderful in my wedding dress…"

Both of us turned red, and I ran over to her. "M-M-Mom! W-We're too–too young for that!"

She smiled, ruffling my hair. "I still remember my first crush. He had such big blue eyes and blond hair… He was so handsome, even though he was a bit younger than me…" She giggled, patting Hinata on the head. "He was the spitting image of Chouji's little friend Naruto! Every time I see Naruto running around town, I always think about M–"

"M-Mom! Can't we just eat lunch…"

She laughed. "Of course!" She turned to Hinata. "Can I take your coat, dear? You must be so hot in that thing…"

"N-No…" Hinata blushed. "I…I'm fine, really… B-Besides, I'm inside now, so…"

"Oh, alright. Well, I hope you like the lunch I prepared. It's Chouji's favorite, so if you don't like yams, I can always make you something else…"

"N-No. I'm fine… Yams are good. They're my father's favorite, too…"

My mother walked towards the kitchen, looking surprised. "I'd never expect it from such a royal di–" She glanced back at Hinata. "I mean, a d-decent fellow…"

Hinata smiled a little, poking her fingers together and turning to the floor nervously. "I-It's alright… I wouldn't expect it, either… He's pretty strict…"

"I expect he would be…" My mother muttered.

We sat down to lunch and my dad walked in. He sat down, preparing to eat with us. Once settled in, he looked at Hinata and smiled. "So, Hinata…has your father decided who you're going to marry yet?"

Hinata turned red, and I couldn't help but wonder if they were trying to help me or destroy me. She leaned over and whispered something to me, but I can't remember what it was. I think it was something about her sister. Then, she looked up at my dad. "N-No… Not…yet, that is…"

I turned, worried. "You mean he _might_?"

She nodded and started poking at her yams. My mother took notice of this and tried to lighten the mood. "When Chouji was little, he had a nightmare about getting lost in a forest. He was screaming in his sleep and his father and I ran in, worried to death. He was shouting something about evil butterflies landing all over him, and when he jolted awake, he shouted out…" She tried not to laugh, and I groaned, knowing exactly the story she was telling.

My dad chimed in, laughing. "He shouted, 'I'm not something to eat!'" He laughed harder, and I sunk lower in my seat. "He dreamed…He dreamed he was made of candy and a flock butterflies started trying to eat him!" His laughter was more like a bellow then, and my mother soon started in with him. The lower I sunk in my seat, the redder my cheeks became.

That's when Hinata giggled. I looked over, and she had started eating again. She looked up at them, and started telling them a story of her own. "O-Once, I had this nightmare that I was being chased by Akamaru and Kiba, and Kiba started howling, and all of a sudden this pack of dogs came up and surrounded me. Then…uh…" She looked down to her plate, blushing. "Well…N-Naruto-kun saved me…" She looked at me, blushed, then turned away, looking ashamed.

My mother nudged my dad and smiled, her tone softening. "Chouza, tell them about that one dream where you were stuck in that ditch…"

His cheeks turned pink, and he shook his head. "Ha ha, no. I don't think that dream is kid-friendly… Remember how I got out of the ditch?"

My mother's mouth opened, and she coughed. "Ahhhh… Yes… Th-That's right… I remember now. Not…uh…not kid-friendly…" That's when she stood up.

"Would anyone like some tea?"

Hinata smiled and nodded. "Y…Yes, please…"

My mother left, and soon we were dining in silence. My dad would look up, open his mouth to say something every once in a while, but nothing ever came out. Finally, he sighed, putting down his chopsticks and looking at Hinata. "Hinata, I'm not sure we've been properly introduced. I'm Chouji's dad. You'll have to forgive him if he seems a bit rude; he was just nervous."

She smiled. "I-It's okay… I figured you two were his parents…" She giggled. "His mother's really nice…"

My dad smiled. "Yes, he gets his kind heart from his mother…"

My mother came in with the tea and sat down, looking at my dad. "What do you mean, he gets it from me? He's just like you in every way! He acts just like you did when you were a child."

My dad smiled. "Now, now, dear, he's certainly way more gentle than I was when I was his age. He definitely gets that from you."

She laughed. "Oh, stop buttering me up! You're too much…" She smiled brightly, pouring everyone some tea. "Hinata, you are the cutest girl I've ever seen. Tell me, what is it you like best about my boy?"

Hinata smiled, sipping some tea and blushing, looking down at her plate. "He's…He's really nice…and…considerate…" She put her cup down and buried herself in her food, and my mother laughed.

"Yes, my son's like a big teddy bear…" She reached over and gave my dad a squeeze, laughing. "Just like his father!" My dad laughed, and Hinata looked up, eyes bright.

"Y-Yes! I've been tr-trying to come up with something, but that's the perfect description of Chouji!" I went red, and suddenly she turned to me, realizing what she said. She buried her face in her hands, making a soft sound that sounded like a muffled whine. "Oh…I can't believe I said that out loud…"

My mother just giggled and started on her food again as I lifted my cup to take a drink. "When Chouji was about two years old, he went through a phase that I had so much trouble with. At the time it was aggravating, but looking back on it, I think it was adorable seeing him run around all over the place like that."

Hinata stared at her, hanging onto every word. "Wh-What phase was that?" I looked over at her, taking a deep drink of tea, worried my mother would say something embarrassing again.

My mother laughed, taking a drink of her own tea. "Chouji used to take off all of his clothes and run around naked."

The tea spewed out of my mouth and all over Hinata. She whined, standing up, and I yelped, standing to help her out. Tea was all over her face and hair, and some of it had gotten on her coat. Before I could even try and help dry off her coat, my mother stood up sharply, grabbing my hand. "Chouji, maybe Mommy should step in… I'm sure I'd do more good than you right now."

With that, she took Hinata out of the room and left me and my dad alone. I looked at my dad, my face deflating. "Oh…Mom doesn't trust me… She thinks I'm not able to help Hinata…"

My dad just smiled, taking a bite of the yams. "No, I'm sure she was doing that so things didn't get even more awkward between you two. Didn't you see where the tea landed?"

"Yeah…her chest. But I was just going to help dry it off!"

My dad just stared, until the reason became clear to me. Instantly, images from all of those dirty magazines in that shop that had fallen all over me in that store we'd gone into started popping up in my head and I turned bright red, resigning myself to my food. After a while, I looked up at him.

"D-Dad…is Mom doing all of this on purpose? She's never this…bubbly…"

My dad smiled again. "She's just happy for you, Chouji. To her, your first crush is almost as big of a deal as your first words and your first steps. She's just overjoyed right now. I'm sure if she realized how embarrassing it was, she'd stop."

"But did she _have_ to tell Hinata about me running around naked? I know I was only two, but still…" My face flared up. "It's…embarrassing…"

He laughed. "Your mother's too excited and running her mouth. I'm sure after that little accident of yours, she'll realize just how upset it's making you. She'll be a bit more serious, now, I think…"

My mother came in, just as bubbly as before. I groaned, until I saw what Hinata was wearing. My face paled, and I looked back at my dad. "Dad! You said she wasn't trying to embarrass me!"

My mother sighed, taking her seat. "Chouji, everyone else here isn't anywhere near her size. Your shirts were the closest to her size that we had… I'm sorry, dear…"

She smiled, tugging on my shirt a little. "I-It's fine, Chouji-kun… Y-Your shirts are very comfy…" She sat down and finished her meal, and I couldn't help but feel a twinge of sadness. Of course they were comfy…I was _big_.

Surprisingly, things went better after that. My mother didn't tell Hinata any more stories, and my father spared me the embarrassment of telling us how he and my mother met, despite the fact that he told me beforehand he was hoping on telling us when Hinata came over. After that little mishap, things actually _improved_.

Finally, it was time to go and she went to go change back into her coat. It was still a little wet, along with the shirt underneath it, but my mother thought it would be best if she didn't go home in my shirt, and Hinata agreed.

As we were leaving, out on the street when I asked to walk her home, she turned to me and smiled. "Your parents are really nice… I like your m-mother… She was s-so cheerful and outgoing…"

I smiled. "Yeah, my mom's the greatest! I knew you'd like her, Hinata. She's a lot like you."

"W-Well…" She blushed, pointing her fingers together. "I…wo-wouldn't say that… I'm not nearly as…o-outspoken…or anything…"

I smiled, grabbing her hand. "Yeah, but you will be someday."

"Y-You think so?"

"Uh huh! After all, you've gotten much better already. After that fight with Neji–"

"Ch-Chouji-kun, can you drop me off here?"

I looked at her, wondering why she'd want to part ways right here. We were at least two blocks away from her house. "Wh-Why? Did I say something wrong?"

She turned red, her hand balling up in a fist and going to her chest. "N-No…it's just…I d-don't think… My f-father might not like the idea of…this…"

"Oh…why not?"

She paled, poking her fingers together again. "W-Well…" She pushed them against each other a few times, her face turning even darker. "It's…h-hard to explain…"

I smiled. "I think your dad would overlook it a lot easier if you were this age than if you were older, don't you think? My mother had a problem with it, but she realized it wasn't a big deal since we were kids."

"I…I'm not sure… P-Please…" She looked at me, eyebrows knitted together worriedly. "C-Could you please just let me walk the r-rest of the way h-h-home, Ch-Chouji-kun…" She tugged on the strings of her coat anxiously and I nodded, leaning over.

"Okay…b-but…could you please call me Chouji? The honorifics are a bit much… I mean…we're…close, right?" I smiled. "I was really happy at lunch when you just called me Chouji."

Her face brightened. "Really?"

"Uh-huh." I nodded, taking grab of her other hand.

–––––––––––––––

Chouji turned bright red, taking in a large handful of chips. "A-After that, it got kind of embarrassing… B-But…we–we kissed." He chuckled with glee. "It was on the lips, too!" As he happily went back for another handful of chips, Shikamaru glared at him.

"Good for you, Chouji. I just wish I had as much luck as you…"

"All you gotta do is tell TenTen how you feel, Shikamaru. That's what I did. You never know; it might be exactly what TenTen wanted you to do all along…"

Shikamaru sighed, looking back up at the clouds. "I doubt it… TenTen's not like that… She's not like most girls… Most girls get all giggly and crap, but not TenTen. She's way more mature than that…"

Chouji hummed. "A girl is still a girl… Maybe you should try making her something…"

"I don't know what she likes. What if I made her something she was allergic to?"

"You can always apologize, right?"

"TenTen would accuse me of poisoning her or something. She doesn't like me, remember? She thinks I'm not interested in girls, and if I were to give someone who hates me something, even if it were a girl, she'd probably assume I was doing it with a reason…"

Chouji blinked, looking into his bag of chips. "…I think you make TenTen out to be worse than she actually is. She's pretty nice, Shikamaru. She even chased her team away from me when I was crying one day so they wouldn't hear…"

"Well, yeah, but that's because it's _you_, Chouji. She hates _me_… Ino even said that TenTen was the biggest supporter of me being boring. She's the reason none of the other girls like me, I'll bet. She probably makes stuff up and claims I did it even when I didn't…"

Chouji stared at him for a while, then went back to the chips. "You know…I wonder what she'd say if she saw your hair down… You're a pretty good-looking guy, Shikamaru. I think she'd like you then…"

"Are you _crazy_? You want the story on Sasuke? I had Sasuke copy Naruto's Sexy no Jutsu technique and dress up in my mother's dress. TenTen _knew_ it was Sasuke. If she thinks I'm going out on dates with Sasuke in woman's clothing, she'd probably think I was a transvestite if she saw me with my hair down!"

"Neji's not a transvestite, and he keeps his hair long…"

"Neji's not me, alright!? He's obviously better than me or _something_, because TenTen seems to like him so much!"

"So she likes Neji then? I thought you said she liked Lee… Is this because you saw them together that one day?"

"Yes." He sighed, standing up. "You know what, Chouji… I need to do some serious thinking alone. I think I'll go home now… You understand, right?"

Chouji nodded, and Shikamaru left.

––––––––––––––––––

He was walking down the street, ignoring the looks people were giving him about his hair. He passed by the flower shop, and ducked down low, hoping Ino wouldn't see him. She never did, and he thought he was in the clear.

That was when he ran into her…into…_them_.

TenTen gave him one look and her jaw dropped. Neji was beside her, and he gave Shikamaru a casual glance before looking to TenTen and grabbing her arm. TenTen knocked his hand away and walked over to Shikamaru. "Let me say hi, Neji…" She looked at him, stared at his hair, her cheeks turned pink.

"Wow… Shikamaru, why don't you wear your hair down? You look…_great_. Just like Neji…"

Neji glared, crossing his hands over his chest. "I'm right here…"

Shikamaru's eyes narrowed. "Don't compare me to that guy. My eyes aren't freaky as hell…"

Neji cleared his throat, trying to draw their attention away from each other. "I'm…I'm right _here_, guys… I'm here and I can _hear_ you…"

TenTen smiled. "Well, of course not. The Hyuuga eyes are…weird. Your eyes are fairly normal…though a bit beady…"

Neji coughed. "I'm can still _hear_ you, dammit." Shikamaru just spat at her, in time with Neji's comment. "Beady? What? Did you forget I can hear you?"

"I can hear her, too!"

They both turned around, saying in unison, "Quiet, Neji."

Shikamaru glared, cheeks reddening as he turned back to TenTen. "Yeah, well my mind was busy today and I forgot to put it up… Trust me, it won't happen again. Not ever." He couldn't count on that…not as long as he liked TenTen.

TenTen grinned, reaching up and messing with her hair, letting it down. Shikamaru and Neji both gulped, and she ran her hand through it, trying to get the kinks out from leaving it in the buns for too long. Shikamaru's face darkened, and he couldn't keep the almost-lecherous smile off his face. She turned back to him, and he hid it quickly.

"Here. You can borrow one of mine. Must suck, walking home like that…"

"Sh-sh-sh-sure. Yeah…Yeah, thanks. I'd like that. I'd like that a lot." He didn't even realize how idiotic he sounded…or the fact that his jaw was flapping about and his head bobbing up and down.

Neji walked up, grabbing her arm protectively. "W-Wow… You look great with your hair down, TenTen…"

TenTen smiled. "Thanks, Neji. You look good with your hair down, too. But you should try putting it up every so often. Maybe you'd look like Shikamaru…" She laughed and started to walk off, and Neji turned to Shikamaru glaring.

"Damn it. I hate it when she says things like that to my _face_." He grinned. "Thanks for walking by, though, Shikamaru. I'm a lucky guy, eating lunch with her while her hair's down like that." He shook Shikamaru's hand, nodding his head. "You warmed me up to a whole slew of compliments! We'll be kissing in no time!"

As he ran off, Shikamaru couldn't help but feel like Sasuke. He glared, cursing his bad fortune. If she started _really_ liking Neji a _lot_, he'd have no chance in hell. His chances would be worse than they were now!

"Sasuke may be a waste of penis, but I'm a waste of everything."

He looked up, catching Sasuke glaring at him venomously. "What did you say about me?"

Shikamaru gulped, not even knowing where Sasuke had come from. Had he been talking to Ino or something? "I…I didn't say it. TenTen did…"

"What the hell do you see in her!?" He walked off, his voice close to a whimper. "I'm _not_ a waste of penis, damn it. All the girls love me. That's proof, isn't it??"

Shikamaru sighed, looking up at the clouds. What he wouldn't _give_ to have Ino's mind-transfer abilities… He could just become Neji and no one would have to know…not even TenTen. It's not like she'd miss him anyway.

He put his hair up, not even caring how good of a job he did. At least…she'd been nice enough to give him hers…

Maybe Chouji _was_ right…


	4. Bitter They Are, Harder They Fall

_Chapter Four! Coming right at you. This one I had the most trouble with, precisely because I don't watch the show. I know a few jutsu and crap, but when it comes to them in detail–enough so they can fight in my story–I'm absolutely useless. Thus, because my friend was going to draw it out, I figured, "Hey! She knows what she's talking about, so I might as well have her figure out all the details for me!" Yep. You heard right. I commissioned her help for this chapter, because we can't all do it on our own. _

_So, give a lot of credit to my friend for the fight scene. She decided what would happen, and I put it into writing. That's also why you people are reading this almost a week later than the last chapter. Because she only has Tuesdays and Thursdays off work to come by and talk with me. _

_Of course, on Thursday we'll be going through and seeing if they've set up the applications of college courses for the fall semester yet. So that will be strictly business. Ha ha. Just like Tuesday was. (In a sense.)_

_Now, about the title of this chapter. Because it deals with Neji and Shikamaru fighting, and since Neji's a bitter, bitter boy, I figured the title suits this perfectly. First as something cool-sounding, and second as an ironic title. The actual song is about bitter tears and being left in a relationship, so the song lyrics or mood has nothing to do with this chapter._

_On a funny note, the comic for this fanfiction was renamed _Ten Step Problem_, and I like it just as much. That's practically what it is, though, right?_

* * *

**The Ten Step Program  
**_"Bitter They Are, Harder They Fall"  
Steps Five and Six_

Shikamaru kicked the ground beneath his feet. It'd been four days since he'd even tried to do anything. Four days of him watching TenTen pop up while they were training to talk to Ino. Four days of him putting off returning her hair band to her; four days of her neglecting to ask for it back. Why wasn't she asking him for it back? Surely she needed it! She'd been putting her hair up in a ponytail for days. She was starting to look like Ino and he was beginning to wonder if he even _wanted_ to continue pursuing her! He was caught up in a whirlwind of insecurity and uncertainty. _"What should I do?"_ He thought to himself. _"Should I make her something like Chouji said, or should I lay low and try to figure out what she likes first?"_

After much thought and deliberation, he finally decided he'd have to resort to the good old last-ditch effort of spying. Yes, spying. It was the least honorable of the most honorable pursuit–the pursuit of a woman. He sighed, figuring the best time would be during their training. And that would be Step Five.

"_Step Five: Find out what TenTen likes."_

Early in the morning the next day, he took his spot behind a bush and waited. For thirty minutes he waited, until he started to wonder if they were even training today. That's when he heard them approaching.

"TenTen, why have you been wearing your hair like that? You look too much like Ino…"

"I'm doing it because I want to. It's not for you, Neji. So don't even try anything."

"Oh, but…it looks nice."

"That compliment was flattering the first thirteen times; now it's just gotten old. Do you realize you've been telling me the same exact thing every five minutes for the past five days? If that's all you can come up with, you might as well give up right now. I'm starting to think you're just not smart enough to come up with something else."

Shikamaru couldn't help but snicker at that. It seemed all that warming up he'd done for Neji had gone cold and now Neji was floundering around like a fish out of water.

"Your boobs are looking–"

"Don't _even_, you big sleaze! I may have asked you if they were big enough, but you don't have to go thinking I want you to keep bringing it up!"

Shikamaru winced, knowing he was the cause of _that_.

"What are you two talking about? What's this about TenTen-san's breasts? I think TenTen-san looks fine the way she is! They won't get in the way of fighting being the size they are now!"

"Quiet, Lee!" Shouted TenTen and Neji in unison.

Gai's voice rang out. "Alright, team! Let's get started on our training! Lee, come over here and try kicking me as hard as you can. I'm going to teach you a new counter attack today!"

"What about me and TenTen?"

"I'll get to you two after–" There was a loud thud, and Gai's laugh permeated the trees. In an instant, Lee's body nearly landed right on top of Shikamaru, had he not dived to the side in time. "Lee, my youthful apprentice, I see you are eager to train today! Give me one moment to talk to the other two–"

"_Other two_!? We have names, you know!"

"Of course, but it's easier to say–"

Lee stood up, his eyes brightening. His eyes went straight for the patch of skin that was out of place in the forest. "Shikamaru-san? Oh! It's an honor to have you with us, today!"

Shikamaru swore and stood up, out of the bushes, looking just as awkward as he felt. TenTen took one look at him and her jaw dropped. He turned pink and looked away, and Neji glared. "What the hell is he doing _spying_ on us?"

Shikamaru panicked. "I–I'm not sp-spying! I'm just–"

Gai came over, patting him on the shoulder and making the hair on the back of his neck stand on end, though it was difficult since his hair was pulled back. "I see what the problem is…" Shikamaru's eyes shot to him, scared Gai had figured out _everything_. The last thing he wanted was for Gai to know. Knowing him, he'd probably blurt it out or even worse–try to help him win TenTen. Gai's thumb stuck out and he showed everyone his pearly white smile. "Shikamaru is tired of the training he's getting with Asuma and wants to try **my** training on for size! I always knew you were smarter than everyone took you for, Shikamaru! You made the right choice!"

Lee chimed in. "Yeah! It's an honor to have you training by my side, Shikamaru-san! Let me call you brother!"

Shikamaru sputtered. "Wh-What!? N-N–"

Neji and TenTen looked at him, hiding smiles. TenTen called out. "Whoo! Come on, Shikamaru! Show us what you've got!"

Neji tried to stifle a laugh and shouted out as well. "To think, your laziness was just you planning on training with us!"

Shikamaru laughed, rubbing the back of his neck. "Uh…yeah! I've…I've always wanted to train with Gai-sensei! He's…He's amazing!"

Gai laughed, reaching into his vest. "You're in luck, Shikamaru! I have one more youth-suit left!"

Shikamaru's face fell, paled. "_What_-suit?"

TenTen burst into fits of hysterics and Gai pulled out a green jumpsuit. "_Youth_-suit!! It's going to look great on you, Shikamaru! I can feel it! It's revolutionary! It clings in all the right places!"

Neji grinned, leaning towards TenTen. "Oh man, Shikamaru's in deep now…"

TenTen looked at him, quirked a brow, and turned back to Shikamaru. "Yeah, Shikamaru! Put it on! It's the least you can do after taking that hair band from me!"

Shikamaru's face flared up; he glared at her. "What!? You let me borrow it! I was going to give it back!" He grumbled, crossing his hands over his chest. "That's some nice hair you've got, TenTen." He smirked, knowing just what would work her up. "Too bad you'll never look as good as Ino with your hair like that! Without blonde hair, you're just a sore imitation!"

TenTen gasped, and Neji's eyes narrowed. Gai just laughed. "Now, now, Shikamaru! I'm sure you're jealous of your teammates now, but I assure you–there's enough of my love to go around! Quickly, Shikamaru! Put on your youth-suit!"

Shikamaru took the suit, glancing over at TenTen and Neji to see if they had had a choice in the matter. Could he say no, or did Gai only offer it to Lee? Neji and TenTen weren't giving him any help, and he looked at Gai. "D-D-Did they get the suit?"

Gai misunderstood his question, and laughed again. "Of course not! They aren't as youthful as we three, Shikamaru!"

Shikamaru paled, going off to the bushes. "Just…Just let me go change…"

TenTen and Neji howled with laughter, and TenTen turned to Neji, whispering. "I bet he runs off with it!"

Neji whispered back. "I'll bet he thinks he can't refuse it, so he'll come back with it on!"

There was a tense ten minute silence, with only Shikamaru's grunts and an occasional, "How the heck does my leg fit into this??" breaking the tension. Neji and TenTen had fallen into a silent laughter by now, only shaking back and forth and trying their hardest not to fall over.

And then Shikamaru came back, all decked out in green jumpsuit. Tears were brought to Gai and Lee's eyes, and Lee ran over. "All you need now are some orange leg socks, Shikamaru-san!"

TenTen fell over, holding her stomach and having a good laugh. She wheezed. "Sh-Shikamaru! Thanks a lot! I think you're k-k-killing me!" She laughed again and Neji smirked, looking at Shikamaru. He noticed how Shikamaru was watching her and his eyes narrowed, his smirk quickly dropping. That bastard…

Neji turned, helping TenTen up. She fell into him, laughing, and Neji shot a look over in Shikamaru's direction as he placed a hand on her back, keeping it there. He watched how Shikamaru's face paled and his eyes narrowed, and Neji cleared his throat, walking over to him, prepared to _destroy_ him.

"Well, Shikamaru…that suit looks nice on you. Too bad TenTen likes men of quality."

TenTen looked up, glancing at Neji with interest. "Oh? Quality, you say?" She smirked, eyeing Shikamaru. "Yeah, I guess you're right, Neji. Hey, Shikamaru…nice body." She burst out laughing again and Shikamaru turned red, sighing and looking to the ground.

He put a hand to the back of his head and ran his hand through his hair, messing with his scalp. TenTen was just… He grit his teeth, preparing to throw her a nice insult, when Gai gasped.

"TenTen, his body is perfect! It has the right amount of _youth_! I can see you two are jealous of my new student, and I assure you, he'll never replace you two…"

Lee spoke up. "Gai-sensei! Let's see how Shikamaru-san does! That way we can see how much training he needs!"

Gai laughed, slapping Lee hard on the back. "That's a great idea, Lee! Neji, why don't we see how you fare against Shikamaru!"

Neji grinned, cracking his knuckles. "With pleasure…"

"TenTen, come here! Let's give these two some room to fight!"

Shikamaru and Neji both watched her run to his side, then they both turned their eyes to each other, intent on finishing the other off. Gai smiled, leaning against a tree. "Come on, Shikamaru! Let's see what you can do!" The boys parted, taking their spots fairly far away from each other.

Shikamaru nodded, taking a stance. The Hyuuga cracked his knuckles again, bending his knees and taking his stance, his hands held out in front of him. "Shikamaru," he shouted, "Why don't we make a wager?"

Shikamaru blinked, caught off guard. "What? What do you mean?" His stance fell, and he stood normally, going soft. "What are we wagering?"

Neji glanced over at TenTen. "Why don't we wager…TenTen."

The "Weapons Expert" crossed her arms over her chest. "Oh, please, Neji. I'm hardly worth it. Wager something else. What do you take me for? A _prize_? I'm a human being, damn it."

Neji nodded, still staring at Shikamaru. "Regardless, we'll fight for you, TenTen."

The genius glanced at her, saw how she was looking at him, and his face flushed. He rubbed the back of his head. "No… Uh… I'm not interested…" He tossed her a look, trying to play it off. "I prefer blondes."

Neji shot him a wry grin. "I bet you do. Regardless, we'll wager TenTen."

She rolled her eyes; Gai and Lee just exchanged looks, one knowing and the other confused. Shikamaru began to sweat, conflicted now. Ever since he'd seen TenTen and Neji eating that one day and her laughing with him, he'd wanted nothing more than this opportunity. He'd wanted nothing more than beating the crap out of Neji…but he hadn't counted on having to do it in front of TenTen. He still didn't want her to know how he felt, for crying out loud! How was he supposed to do this!? If he fought too earnestly she'd figure it out, but if he hardly fought at all, he'd lose TenTen to Neji! He knew she liked guys who applied themselves and were dedicated to their training. She liked guys who were strong, were smart, were serious about being a ninja.

He _was_ serious; he was just under stimulated because he was above everyone's level! That's why he was always so laid-back all the time! Everything was so troublesome. This fight was troublesome, girls were troublesome, and above all, TenTen was troublesome. He didn't even know why he bothered. He wasn't getting anywhere.

"Come on, Shikamaru! Just fight already! I want to see what you can do!" He turned to her, his black eyes locking with her dull brown ones. She smiled, throwing him a wink. "I promise there'll be a date in it for you…"

He paled, swallowing. He shook his head, glaring. "Like I'd want to date a skinny little thing like you!" When he saw her quirk a brow at him angrily, he fought himself mentally. _Why_ was he saying things like that again!? Was he even doing it to throw her off his trail anymore??

"Nara, let's just get this over with! I promise I'll make it quick and painless!" Neji gave him a cocky smile, and Shikamaru's blood went cold. Oh, he'd show him quick and painless.

His eyes narrowed, and he took his stance, gritting through his teeth. "Fine. Quick and painless, eh? I'll make you eat those arrogant words of yours…"

TenTen started to clap, and Gai nodded in approval. Now they were getting somewhere. Shikamaru couldn't help but feel the same. This was Step Six.

"_Step Six: Eliminate the competition: i.e. that bastard Neji."_

Before Shikamaru could even think about his plan of attack, Neji ran up in a blind rage, fingers out. His body slid, and his arm went towards Shikamaru. To dodge, Shikamaru kicked his leg up, and Neji's body flowed in time with it in a smooth dodge. Mere seconds before the inevitable impact, Shikamaru's leg froze in place at the sight of TenTen wincing.

Shit, if she liked Neji, she'd just hate him if he wound up hurting the Hyuuga!

With a simple, cocky flick of the wrist, Neji changed the angle of his finger's designated path, flipping Shikamaru in the forehead as if he were nothing. The genius made a soft, muffled noise of surprise and stumbled backward, his balance failing him.

Blinded by rage, his hands clenched into fists, colliding with the chakra point in Shikamaru's shoulder. The intended effect was lost; however, the blow served to jolt the joint. Shikamaru slid back a few feet, his nerves shooting off a storm of pain.

He cried out in pain, feeling the joint almost give way, but managed to save their battle from interference by soon popping it back in place, grunting as silently as possible. The last thing he wanted was for Gai to stop this fight. He still had a score to settle with Neji. Neji had gone completely crazy with rage; he wasn't even calm, cool, and collected anymore. The Hyuuga was fighting blindly.

He would have to change his strategy. Manipulating the situation was not longer possible with Neji being so unpredictable. As Neji made another leap for him, he decided to change to defense. Hopefully Neji would run out of energy. He dodged the older boy, his shoulder sliding back as Neji's fist went for his eye. Neji's eyes just narrowed further, and he went for the new position of the genius, only being met with empty air from another dodge.

They danced around the "arena", each leaning towards the other and the other leaning away, dodging, punching, dodging, kicking, back and forth. Finally, after both boys had landed their fair share of empty air, Shikamaru's foot fell a little and he hesitated for a single moment, trying to catch his breath.

Neji's chakra-enveloped fist careened towards his face, and he barely had enough time to dodge. He bent his back, dodging with difficulty, and the chakra surrounding the hand managed to graze the skin, leaving a light cut along his cheek.

Immediately, Shikamaru's leg shot out on instinct, as TenTen gasped. This act of concern only enraged Neji further, and he kicked the leg supporting the genius's weight out from under him. Shikamaru toppled backwards, hitting the ground with a grunt and a thud.

Neji was quick to react, his fists mimicking that of the Sixty-Four Palm with each blow to Shikamaru. As Shikamaru felt as if his entire body was being smashed into pieces, he couldn't look away from Neji's soulless eyes. With each strike, a word seemed to form between the two, a message being sent through fists and blood.

"Keep–" _Wham._ "–your–" _Wham._ "–eyes–" _Wham._ "–off–" _Wham._ "–my–" _Wham._ "–girl."

Neji gasped for air, pausing for a moment before delivering the final blow that would render his rival unconscious. Shikamaru acted fast, kicking his legs up to the Hyuuga's chest and pushing on Neji's body. It was like a springboard, and Neji went flying over Shikamaru's body.

As the Hyuuga went flying, Shikamaru got him with his shadows, standing to his feet with much difficulty. He felt like he'd been smashed to pieces, chewed up and spit out. But this was still only the beginning. He still had to bounce back, make up for lost ground.

He started to walk towards Neji, and Neji mimicked his movements. Shikamaru fought for air, trying to keep his feet moving, his mind awake. With each labored step, the two neared each other, until finally they were an arm's reach apart.

Shikamaru panted, trying to figure out how he would go about defeating the Hyuuga. He coughed a little, clearing his throat. "You…you may think you've won…but you're not even close."

Neji smirked, his eyes flickering over Shikamaru's body…the Byakugan picking up on that empty threat. "Making threats we can't keep, Nara?"

The genius shook his head, fighting the urge to collapse. "N-No. I–"

"Stay away from her. Keep your eyes off of her. Why would she even go for a boy like you when she has a man like me? Face it–you're nothing more than a lazy, worthless excuse for a ninja to her," Neji hissed, low enough so only they could hear. "So I'll tell you again… Stay away from her, Nara."

"And if I refuse?"

"Then I'll just have to make sure of it."

Shikamaru laughed wearily, shrugging his shoulders. "Not while you're under my control."

Neji gave a cocky laugh, pointing to the ground nonchalantly. "What control?"

Shikamaru followed Neji's finger to the ground, seeing his shadow jutsu had retracted. He looked back at Neji, just in time to see the Hyuuga's arm coil back, palm out, ready to deliver the killing blow.

"You've won, Neji!"

Both boys turned to see TenTen shouting, her face distraught. For a sick moment of realization on everyone's part what Neji had been about to do, no one said a word. Finally, after what felt like forever, Neji smiled, walking away from Shikamaru and letting him fall to the ground. "I guess this means we have a date, TenTen!"

The girl smiled, clenching her fists. "Y-Yes, it does! I'm so glad!" She ran over, grabbing his arm and leading him away as quick as possible. She stared straight ahead of her, her teeth tugging on her bottom lip nervously, refusing to let even the slightest wave of sympathy and concern allow her look back to see if Shikamaru was alright. Gai let her go, figuring it'd be best to keep Neji as far away from Shikamaru as possible and get Shikamaru to the hospital before something terrible happened.

He nodded in Lee's direction, and both knew what they needed to do. Gai picked him up, with Lee helping Shikamaru onto his back. As Gai ran off, injured in tow, Lee watched him. He stared at Shikamaru in awe.

"Wow…that's the first time I've seen someone hold their own against Neji since Naruto-kun…"

* * *

_Ah! As it turns out, I had a friend of mine help out with how it was written in some teeny tiny parts. She (SAM) came over with the friend (BETH) who's making the comic and helping me figure out how the fight scene will go. Both wound up staying the night and Sam, half asleep, actually helped me out a lot when Beth's plans were really complex to put into writing. Of course, Beth helped a lot. But from here on out, I don't think I'll need anymore help. _

_So, since they were a lot of help, I'd really appreciate it if you'd–if you wanted to praise their effort and dedication to staying up all night to help create the fight scene–__just send them an e-mail. I'd appreciate it if they got the credit they deserved, and I know they'd be really grateful. (Ah, and don't be frightened about e-mailing a stranger or anything. Both of them are really nice and will probably get all buddy-buddy with you, because that's how they are.)_

_Comic!Beth's e-mail is__: _quilliestill_ **at **_hotmail _**dot **_com_  
_

_Sam's email is: "_as long as we have cake" (all separated by an underscore)_ **at** _yahoo _**dot **_com_  
_

_Credits to Beth: All of Neji's kickass threats and all of the battle (with a big help in getting it started and hitting me in the head to show how Neji would've wound up hitting Shikamaru! It was not an accident.)_

_Credits to Sam: Various phrases that sounded better than what I was coming up with, and an especially big help in the "Shikamaru's arm nearly gets dislocated" paragraphs. I was completely stuck on how to write that out._


	5. It's Alright, Mama

_Yeah. Go back and read the fight scene. (That is, if you read it before I posted this chapter.) I went back and read it, and realized just how terrible some of it was. For one, I realized it felt too short compared to the rest of the chapter. And for another, there were moments where the writing really sickened me. There are a few subtle differences in the writing, mainly with words being changed and a few sentences restructured._

_(I realize this is what I get for staying up until four in the morning and getting friends who are just as dead-tired as me to help write something. I didn't even bother to proofread it before uploading it. I figured it would be perfect since my friends were helping me and three heads are better than one.)_

_So, if you read it shortly after I first posted it, you might want to go back and read what I fixed up and made more appealing. No longer does it say, "his eyes couldn't look away from Neji's soulless eyes". Ick. That line had to be changed. It's just too redundant. It sounds like something a first-grader would write. Apparently I'm just as literary-gifted as a first-grader when I'm dead-tired. (By the way, it was Beth's idea to call Neji's eyes soulless. I was stuck on what to call them, and she said that and I went, "Shit, yes! High five, girlfrand!" She is so good at making Neji into a badass-asshole-jerkface-swamp-thing. Me and badass-asshole-jerkface-swamp-thing characters don't mix. I always want to make characters nice, even if they're arrogant sons of bitches. Ignore the fact that the Swamp Thing was the hero and good guy. Let's pretend he was a total jack-off.)_

_This chapter is also an Interlude. There was a lot of mention in _His Favorite Food_ of their days back at the Academy, and this one explains all that in more detail. Apparently TenTen and Neji and are a year older than Shikamaru? I just heard it from Beth, so I'm glad I found out about it now. Better than me pulling a bunch of stuff out of my ass only to have someone review me saying something like, "TenTen wasn't in Shikamaru's class, idiot."_

_Is anyone bothered by her name being spelled Tenten? I know it's supposed to be "official" and all…but every time I see it like that I want to pronounce it the same way you'd say "Quentin". Thus, Tentin. It bugs me, so I write it as TenTen. If any of you have been reading this story and thought, "What the hell, bitch? You don't watch the show, so I can overlook you being a royal shitbag, but spell her goddamn name the right way!"…deal with it. It's how I get by without going insane in my OCD-crazed existence._

_Speaking of OCD, it bugged me, the fact that I couldn't even write the entire thing on my own just because I don't know enough about the fighting styles and all…so I'm gritting my teeth and setting out to watch the show._

_Wish me luck. It's killing me watching something that annoys the crap out of me, but I'm just anal retentive enough to put up with it. I got to episode three on the internet and there was no episode four, so I stopped. Aren't I just so _dedicated_? I decided I'd skip ahead, and I clicked on a random link, and it took me to the arc with the whole "Star" (a.k.a. meteorite, but who cares about the technical term anyway? Let's just call it a star. People are stupid enough to not be bothered by that, right?) plot. All I can say is…"What the hell…" Ninjas shouldn't have the ability to fly! People in general should not have the ability to fly, ninja or otherwise! Why the hell am I watching this show!?_

_(There's nothing more stupid to me than seeing a person fly. I read the part in Death Note where Raito says, "I wish I had your wings, Ryuuku. That way I could fly," and I couldn't stop laughing. Just the thought of people flying conjures up images of super heroes in spandex tights fighting crime. Which is strange, because I don't find super heroes funny in the least. It's just the thought of average schmucks flying through the air that tickles my funny bone.) _

_The only person in Naruto who should be able to fly is Chouji, damn it! Like that caterpillar in _A Bug's Life_!_

_I don't really know how the Academy works, since I only saw the first three episodes and various others of them already on missions and shit, so I don't know how many years they actually take there. If it's explained in the anime or something and I'm incorrect, just enjoy the fic for what it is. I don't feel like changing it._

_Oh, and since TenTen doesn't have a back-story, I'm giving her one. It's not too wangsty or anything. I made her a bit of a rebellious girl when she was younger. Hope you all don't mind, but I feel it's important to the story._

_The song this chapter is named after is also strangely fitting._

_I really like Ino in this chapter, by the way. She says the F-word. She's such a badass._

* * *

**The Ten Step Program  
**_"That's Alright Mama"__  
Interlude_

He had started his first year at the Academy when he first caught sight of her. At a glance, he thought nothing of the girl other than the fact that she was cute. But she was just another girl with the same giggly habits as the rest of her…kind. He figured she wasn't even worth looking into; she was a girl, she was boy-crazy and scatter-brained.

That is, he thought all those things until lunch time rolled around.

Out on the playground, where lunch was eaten and games were played, Shikamaru was sitting by the swing, eating the lunch his mother had packed for him. Chouji walked up, carrying one of the delicious boxed lunches his mother was famous for. Both grades had lunch at the same time, so it was no surprise there were many children messing around and eating lunch.

He saw Shino following Kiba, listening to him prattle on about nothing in particular. Both boys looked like they were ready to sit beside him and Chouji and eat lunch. Sure enough, they did. As they came up, Kiba was talking about the puppy his parents had promised they'd get him after he graduated and became a full-fledged ninja; Shino was listening, looking slightly bored.

Kiba turned on Shikamaru, hoping he'd be rewarded with someone who cared. "Shikamaru, when I get that puppy, the first thing I'm doing is training it to fight beside me! What's the point in getting a dog if I have to leave it behind at home!? After all, Shino's got his bugs, so I figure I should get a friend of my own to fight beside!"

Shino glanced at him, taking a spot next to Shikamaru. "Kiba…my bugs don't technically count as friends…"

Shikamaru liked Shino more than Kiba…even if his bugs _were_ slightly disturbing. Kiba was much too loud, but Shino was quiet. He hardly ever spoke, and when he did, he was always direct and to the point. In a world full of troublesome people, Shino was a blessing.

There was a massive flutter of eyelashes, so much so that it could have caused a breeze with one more person, off toward the door to the Academy, and Sasuke walked down the steps, followed by a mass of giggling girls that wanted nothing more than to feed him their boxed lunches…toxic or otherwise tasty. Kiba groaned, watching the sight with disgust. "There goes the Sasuke Fan Club. Geez, can you believe it? He even has fans in the upperclassmen now! Pretty soon there won't be enough girls for me! How am I supposed to woo girls using my puppy dog ploy with them going all ga-ga over Sasuke?? By the time I get a dog, Sasuke will already have gotten one and will be charming girls by being a sensitive animal person…"

Shino smirked, mumbling. "That's a shame. Why go after an animal _person_ when they could be going after an actual _animal_?" Kiba shot him a dirty look, but said nothing.

Chouji took a handful of chips, shoving a bite of rice into his mouth at the same time. "I dunno…Sasuke seems like the type of guy who'd get a fish."

Kiba snorted, shrugging his shoulders. "Yeah, I suppose. But he'd miss out on a great deal. You can't take a fish out on a mission with you. And fish don't have sharp teeth, either, so even if you did bring on one a mission, it wouldn't be able to help you at all! Even if you gave it a sword and trained it, it would still just float around in its bowl…eyeing you with those creepy _dead_ eyes…" He shuddered. "Man, I _hate_ fish… What he needs is…a _shark_! Those things can _kill_!"

Shikamaru rolled his eyes and looked up, watching the steps. After a short moment, that girl came out, walking down the steps. He smirked, knowing his assumption had been right and she was just like all those other Sasuke-obsessed idiots. She approached the mass of girls, walking into it. Shikamaru went back to his meal, taking a bite of the pork his mother had given to him.

After a moment he looked back up again, surprised to see her walking out with two girls in tow. She turned back to them, held her hands up in the air like she couldn't believe what they were doing. For a while they stood there, arguing, until both girls went back to the group. The girl just sighed and walked away. His eyes followed her all the way to the side of the building, where she promptly pulled out three kunai and threw them with all her might at a tree angrily.

He leaned over to Shino, swallowing. "Hey, Shino, who's that one girl over there?"

Shino looked around. "Which girl?"

"The one with the buns."

Kiba snorted, sitting down next to Chouji. "I dunno, Shikamaru… They've all got _those_… You've gotta be more descriptive than that." The chip-eating champion gave him a look, preferring not to hear something lewd this close to his lunch-eating period.

Shikamaru groaned. "No, the one wearing pink. She's got her _hair_ pulled up into buns. There, over by the side of the building." He pointed toward her, and three pairs of eyes followed his finger.

Shino shrugged. "She doesn't look familiar. Is she one of the upperclassmen? Kiba, you're good with knowing which girl's which. What's the report on that one? Hear anything on _her_ lately?"

Kiba whistled when he caught sight of her. "That's TenTen. She's in the grade above us. People say she's great with weapons, but her jutsu need a bit of work." He turned to Shikmaru, quirking a brow. "And get this: She hates Sasuke! Ever since the year started, she's been nothing but mean when her friends bring him up. Says it's guys like him that make girls lose focus on things far more important."

Chouji looked at him. "Like what? Being a ninja or something?"

He just shrugged. "I guess so. I've also heard she verbally and physically bashes anyone who badmouths Tsunade or even look at her boobs the wrong way. Trust me, if she finds out you like Tsunade's boobs, she'll beat the shit out of you. One kid was walking to the toilet, talking to his friend about how the reason there's a girl on every team is for something to look at after a hard battle, and she walked by and got _so_ mad."

Chouji's face paled. "Wh-What did she do?"

"She actually followed him into the boy's room and dunked his head into a toilet!" He shuddered.

Shikamaru gave him a skeptical look. "How do you know all of this, Kiba?"

Kiba grinned, pointing to his head. "I've got great hearing. I can hear what someone's saying in a normal voice all the way down the hall!"

Chouji took a bite of his chips. "How'd you know she dunked a guy's head into the toilet? Wouldn't he have sworn everyone in there to secrecy or something?"

Kiba cleared his throat. "Uh…actually…well…" He groaned. "I was just _joking_ when I said it! She took me seriously and…dunked my head in the toilet and refused to let me up for air until I said I was sorry…"

Their jaws dropped, all except for Shino's, for he had been the friend. Shikamaru looked back at her, feeling something flutter in his chest. He swallowed the urge to smile and went back to eating. She was even cuter than he thought: this girl, he figured he could probably _stand_.

The day went on as normal, until the end of the day came. As school let out, kids poured from the building, until finally it was just Shikamaru stepping down the steps. He didn't know what the big deal was–they were able to leave any time they felt like it. If they were so eager to get home, why even bother showing up?

As he reached the last step, he heard voices off to his right, toward the side of the building.

"TenTen, you can quit practicing now… It's hard for us, too… We've still got a lot of time until the end of the year. You'll get it by then."

She sighed, sounding worn out. "Hanabe, I'm quick, I can aim better than anyone my own age that I've met so far…but I can't even do something so basic as a transformation jutsu yet? I have to practice! If I can't do a simple transformation jutsu, how can you expect me to do the clone jutsu required to graduate!?"

Another girl's voice broke. "TenTen, it's basic for ninjas, but we're not ninjas yet! We're still learning! You take it so seriously!"

She panted, and the sound of a kunai hitting one of the trees resounded in the air. "I have _always_ wanted to be a ninja! I want to be as strong as Tsunade-sama someday! My mother couldn't do as much as she wanted to because of her weak constitution! You both _know_ how much I want to give back what I took from her! Of course I'm going to take it seriously!" There was a long pause, until she spoke again, her voice awash with guilt. "Look…I'm sorry. I shouldn't have…I shouldn't have gotten so angry and taken it out on you… Forgive me…"

"We understand, TenTen…b-but we just can't be around you when you're like this. We'll see you tomorrow."

"Yeah, just…don't feel like you have to do this to prove yourself or anything… Your mom's–"

"I'm not proving anything to anyone. I'm doing this for myself." Her voice clipped at the end, and the three girls knew it was the end of their conversation.

Before he knew it, two girls shot by, walking as fast as their little legs could carry them. They looked slightly hurt, slightly scared. There was one girl walking a bit faster than her dark-haired friend, one with long, dirty blonde hair…only it wasn't as long on one side anymore. That thud against the tree told him what had happened.

For a moment he wondered whether he should stay and check on her. Then again, he was going to be late for dinner. He stared off in the direction of his house…but something told him to stay. He wouldn't have to go up and talk to her… He could just…sit and see if she ran into him.

"Damn it!" _Fip. Fip. Thunk. _"Mom would be so angry if she saw me getting worked up like this! It's just a simple transformation jutsu!" There was a pause, until finally a long intake and exhale of air. "All I need to do is balance my hard work with something fun… I'll just ask Dad to play a game of shogi for once…"

Shikamaru's ears perked, and for a while his mind raced, wondering what he should do. If she liked shogi, he desperately wanted to talk to her…on the other hand, if he just went right up and asked her about it, she'd probably think he was spying on her.

Before he could even comprehend what was going on, she had turned the corner and was starting to leave, not watching where she was going. He'd been hoping she'd run into him, and his wish, quite literally, came true.

She smashed into him as he was lost in thought, and a few kunai went tumbling to the ground at their feet. She doubled backward, and he stumbled back a few steps. She was the first to speak.

"Oh, geez. I'm so sorry! I wasn't watching where I was looking; I didn't think there'd be anyone this late, but I forgot about the tea–" She looked up at him, and for a moment he got to see her brown eyes. She stood up straighter, her body language changing entirely. "…You're not a teacher. Why aren't you at home? Did you have to stay after class?"

He stared at her, a small smile tugging at the corner of his lips. He squashed that urge as quick as possible. "No. Did you?"

She bent down, picking up her implements. "No. I was just practicing for a while."

"The transformation jutsu, right?"

She looked up at him, her face paling. "I never told you that…"

He stopped, finding himself. "I was…walking down the steps when I heard a yell. You were yelling about the transformation jutsu, so I assume that's what you were practicing…"

She smiled. "Yeah…" She chuckled, stowing the weapons in a bag on her side and standing up straighter. "…It must seem pretty silly, right?"

He tilted his head slightly, feeling anxious and awkward. He shrugged his shoulders. "Not really… I haven't even started learning it yet…"

"Ah. I thought you looked unfamiliar. So you're a lowerclassman…"

"Yeah, I–"

She grabbed his arm, getting right to the point. "Listen, I was wondering if you could keep what you heard to yourself." He nodded his head, but she still shook him. "Or _else_. Understand?"

He nodded his head, more fervently this time, ripping his arm out of her grasp. "Of course… I'd never tell."

She smiled, brushing past him. "Good. Good-bye."

He turned, desperately wanting to talk to her. "Uh…I heard you play shogi."

She froze, turning to him. "Eh?"

He looked at her, his expression only slightly more interested. "You said something about playing shogi with your father… Um…I play, too…"

She smiled a little, walking toward him. "I really only play it to make him happy. See, it was my mother's favorite past time. Me and my father are terrible at shogi. I much prefer playing Go, if I have a choice. Usually my dad asks to play shogi and I suggest Go instead, so we usually end up playing that." She laughed a little, rubbing the back of her neck. "I actually find shogi boring, to be honest. But I think it's really amazing how some people can play a single game for hours at a time. Our games at home usually last forty minutes tops…"

"Oh…well, that's…nice. You said your mother liked playing it… Well…er…did–"

"She died giving birth to me, actually. She had a weak constitution since birth, so a lot of the things she wanted to do, she couldn't. That's why she played shogi so often. It was about all she could do, since she was bedridden most of the time."

He stuttered. "Oh…I'm…I'm sorry to hear that."

TenTen just nodded curtly. "Don't be. It's hard to miss someone you never met. I like to think she'd be proud of me if she could see me, though… I think I'm doing enough in my life to make up for hers. I'm pretty fulfilled already."

She turned to leave, nodding a little to him, and started to walk off. His mind raced; the last thing he wanted to do was end their first conversation on such a terrible note. Shikamaru fought for something to make her feel better. "You know, I don't think your mother thought her life was unfulfilled."

She turned back to him again, her eyes questioning. "What?"

Shikamaru tried to give her a friendly smile, trying to brighten her day just a little. "I mean, she had you, didn't she?"

Instead of smiling back at him, her eyes narrowed, and she walked back over. "When you say had me, you mean give birth to me, right?" She grabbed his collar, and he suddenly realized she was actually a teeny bit taller than him…and twice as scary when angry. "Are you saying that, because she was a woman, her natural desire would be to have a kid? You don't know my mother; you don't know what she wanted! Just because she was a woman, it doesn't mean she needed a child to feel fulfilled in life!"

She raised her fist, and Shikamaru gulped. "N-No! That's not what I mean! What I meant was she probably felt fulfilled because she had a weak constitution and because of that, getting pregnant would have been out of the question. You never knew her either, so for all you know, she could've felt fulfilled just giving birth to you… It would've been something someone with a stronger constitution would've been able to have, and she would've had had that, too…"

She dropped him, her eyes clearly showing she had no idea what to make of his thoughts. Her fists clenched, and she glanced over her surroundings a little. "I have to go now…" She turned, walking just as fast as her friends had. Before she even got ten feet from him, she stopped, turning back to look at him again.

"What is your name?"

"I'm Shikamaru Nara."

"Shikamaru, huh? …It suits you," she mumbled, as she walked off. When it had happened, he had thought it had ended on a fairly good note. That is, until three weeks before graduation. Up until then, he hadn't heard anything from her, hadn't spoken to her or even ran into her. He simply watched her from far away, analyzing her, trying to think of a way to approach her. He lost all hope of doing that when he found out how she really felt about him.

He'd been taking a short nap in the trees by the playground, in some bushes so as not to be disturbed. When he woke up, he heard a bunch of girls giggling, so he figured the last thing he wanted to do was get up and leave. If he stood up, he'd be accused of spying or something equally perverse.

"Well, that only leaves one person then, TenTen."

His ears perked when he heard her name, and when she started to speak, he had to resist the urge to sit up and scoot closer to hear her better. "What do you mean? There's no one left, is there? I already told you, I'm not interested in all that girly crap. I'd rather concern myself with becoming stronger. Everything else is just useless."

The girl who spoke next sounded familiar, like one of the girls he'd heard the first time he spoke to TenTen. "There's Shikamaru, of the Nara clan."

TenTen chuckled. "Shikamaru? Isn't he a year younger than us? Don't be ridiculous, Hanabe. If I'm not interested in any of the other boys, what makes you think I'd take interest in someone a year younger than me?"

One of the girls sighed dreamily. "Well, don't you think he's smart…? I heard he's virtually unbeatable when it comes to shogi…"

TenTen hummed. "If that's the case, why aren't his grades as good as Sasuke's? He doesn't apply himself, does he?"

"Well no, but you can't ignore how smart he is! The boy is a genius!"

There was a muffled laugh, like TenTen had put a hand to her mouth. "Don't you think he's boring, though? Boys obsessed with shogi are so uninteresting. He's rude, too."

"How would you know? You never talk to him. I hear he's really nice…"

"I _have_ spoken to him. Once after school let out. And guess what? He insulted my mother! Why would _anyone_ like an asshole like that? And his name fits him, too! I've never seen creepier eyes than the Hyuuga eyes, but Shikamaru's are a close second. They're just like deer eyes, all black and unnerving…"

The girls all started to giggle uncontrollably, and one girl sighed. "Yeah…he'll never be as great as Sasuke."

He heard TenTen's tone change, snippier than before. "Of _course_, no one will **ever** be as great as that waste of penis."

"You're such a bitch, TenTen, you know that? I hope Sasuke hears you say that one of these days. He'd put you in your place."

TenTen just laughed, and Shikamaru stood up in a hurry, yawning fakely. He couldn't listen to this anymore; he felt like he was about to cry. The entire group went silent, and he glanced at TenTen for a moment, surprised to see her face had gone deathly pale and she was staring at him like a deer caught in the headlights.

He blinked, shrugging his shoulders. "What are you all staring at me like that for? All I was doing was sleeping…" He strode off, trying to keep his voice steady. "Dumb girls…"

The second his back was to them, they burst into hysterics, knowing they'd been talking about him and were thinking he'd been there the whole time and not known a word of it.

The second he reached the building, everything broke and he spent the rest of the lunch period in the boy's room, crying in one of the stalls.

From that point on, she made a point to insult him in some way, shape or form. And every time, he had to insult her back to keep himself from breaking down.

–––––––––––––––

He woke up in a hospital bed, surrounded by his team and Team Gai. He winced, sitting up. "What…" The stench of dried blood reached his nose, and he looked over toward Asuma, surprised to see him looking so concerned. "What happened, Asuma-sensei? I know Neji beat me pretty bad, but–"

Asuma gave a sigh of relief, and his teammates both mimicked him. Ino glared at him, raising her hand threateningly. Her expression and tone were enraged, but her eyes clearly showed she was almost to the verge of tears. "Shikamaru, what were you thinking!? You should have known Neji could've whipped your lazy ass! You've been skipping out on training, for crying out loud!"

Chouji fought back tears. "I-Ino, just be glad he's okay…"

Asuma nodded again. "I know you're just concerned, Ino, but yell at him later, alright?" She went silent, and he glanced at Gai. "I'm sure there's something you wanted Neji to say, right?"

Gai bowed his head low, shoving Neji forward to the bed. "Yes, there is. Neji, apologize! After you apologize, I'll have to lecture you again on the importance of self-control!"

Neji grumbled, crossing his arms over his chest. "I'm sorry…" TenTen nudged him, and Lee cleared his throat. Neji rolled his eyes, forcing a smile. "I'm sorry I lost control and nearly killed you." He turned to them. "Are you happy now? I apologized."

Ino looked at him, simmering. "You're not sorry at all, you freak."

He glared at her. "Oh _yeah_? How about I–" He stopped himself, taking a breath. "Okay. Fine. I lost my temper…"

The blond threw her hands in the air, losing it. "Lost your temper!? You broke six ribs and caused massive damage on his internal organs, you bastard! You can't just say you lost your temper and have everything be fine! You could have killed him! TenTen says you tried to do that killing blow of yours! Tsunade was leaving tomorrow! What if she had left early!? What the fuck were you thinking when you decided it would be okay to beat him near death!?"

There was a collective gasp, and everyone went absolutely silent. She glared at the Hyuuga, hands on her hips. "Oh, you heard me right! I want to know what the fuck he was thinking! Don't look at me like that, Chouji!"

Neji's eyes narrowed. "I wasn't thinking. I lost control."

Gai grabbed Neji and started to lead him outside, and his team followed, as Ino nearly screeched. "Oh, yeah! You _better _get him out of here before _**I**_ lose control! He won't be doing much thinking when I get through with him!"

Asuma leaned towards Chouji. "Chouji, could you fill him in on all of the details? I have to go take Ino somewhere away from Neji and Shikamaru so she'll calm down…" The boy nodded, and Asuma put a hand on Ino's shoulder, sighing. "Ino, I think it's time we left. Shikamaru needs some rest…"

They left the room, Ino still shrieking, and Shikamaru's eyes turned to Chouji. Chouji sniffled, rubbing at his eyes, and Shikamaru knew what was coming. His best friend broke down and started crying, and Shikamaru ventured to put an arm around him. He was able to reach up and place a hand on Chouji's shoulder, but that was the best he could do without feeling pain shoot up in his abdomen and chest.

"Chouji…don't cry. It's alright. I'm fine, see? Tsunade was here and everything turned out for the best."

His best friend choked back a sob, gritting his teeth and trying to speak. "Yes…b-but…Tsunade contacted Asuma-sensei, and then he came and found us…and…and I really thought…"

"Chouji, it's okay."

"It's not fine!" Both boys turned, surprised to see TenTen hadn't left; she'd been there the entire time. Shikamaru paled, sitting back into his pillow. TenTen closed her eyes for a moment, pinched the bridge of her nose, and looked back at them. "It's…not fine, Shikamaru. Do you realize just how serious this was? Neji lost all control, and we tried so hard to help him regain some sense of it after that whole Hinata incident!" She looked at him coldly. "And now…because of you, he's right back to square one. When his uncle finds out about this, he may even decide Neji's not worth training anymore and then what would happen!?" She looked very much like she wanted to grab him by the collar of the shirt, and Shikamaru couldn't help but feel as if he'd never get through to her.

He blinked, gulping. "Y-You're taking _Neji's_ side even after he tried to _kill_ me? You really hate me _that_ much? Speaking of being back to square one, you were being so much better since the Academy! Your temper diminished and I was the only one you treated like shit! You grew nicer to everyone around you, and now you're right back to being a c–"

TenTen laughed, pointing at him. "You stop right there before you say something you'll regret!" She sighed, shutting her eyes tightly and taking a deep breath. "I'm taking Neji's side because if something were to happen to him, his whole team would be affected by the consequences… Lee and I worked too hard to suddenly start looking for another teammate if Neji gets thrown out. Gai-sensei believes in all of us, but he can only let so many mistakes like this go before he's forced to do something about it."

"So you're _selfish_, is that it?"

She sighed, looking up at the ceiling anxiously, her voice on the verge of breaking. "Maybe I am, Shikamaru…but…but if you and Neji were to fight again and N-Neji were to lose control………Gai-sensei might be forced to take action, and I just don't want that to happen, okay?" She sighed, looking at the floor. "I know we don't get along, but could you please do that for me? Please don't do something foolish like make Neji mad again…"

Shikamaru's eyes narrowed. "Why _is_ it that we don't get along, TenTen? Why do you hate me so much? Is it because I said all those things about your mother back at the Academy; is that it? You want me to apologize? I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!"

"It's not about that. I could care less what you said about my mother. You were right, just like you _always_ are. I don't hate you, Shikamaru. You just get on my nerves, and if you fight with Neji, you'll _really_ get on my nerves and I'll be forced to take a cheap shot at you every time I even _think_ you're nearby." She stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind her.

Shikamaru looked at Chouji bitterly. "It's not like she doesn't do that already. Now…how long am I going to be here?"

Chouji nodded his head. "Tsunade said you should be able to move in two days. She was able to heal most of the internal damage and mend the bones somewhat, but they still need some time to heal all the way. She put someone in charge of you to help speed the healing process along once a day, so unless you fall out a window, you'll be out of here by Friday."

"Alright. At least there's that. When are my parents going to get here?"

"They should be here soon…" He turned to leave, and quickly looked back at his friend. "And…Shikamaru?"

"Eh? What is it?"

"TenTen's right… It's foolish to make Neji angry. If he loses control and no one's around…"

Shikamaru sighed, looking out the window, at the clouds. He was glad the view was so good; he didn't know what he'd do if all he'd was a brick wall for the next three days. "Sorry, Chouji. I'll be sure to do that. But I'm doing it for you, not TenTen."

Chouji smiled a little and left. "Whatever you say, Shikamaru."

–––––––––––––––

TenTen stepped down the steps of the building, her eyes immediately shooting up to the sky. She was always so wound tight and dedicated to her training, she often forgot to take a break and do this every once in a while. Shikamaru was right; she'd gotten a lot less hostile after the Academy…

She sat down on the steps, craning her neck up and staring at the clouds. She smirked. "Oh, look, a pineapple…"

She stared at it for a while, until it'd moved and started to resemble something more like a stag's head, the spiky bits at the top turning into antlers, the body of the pineapple splitting into its snout and neck.

Chouji walked by, and she looked at him. "Hey, Chouji!" He turned around, noticing her. He tilted his head, wondering what she wanted to tell him. "Make sure he stays out of trouble, alright?"

Chouji nodded and left without another word. She rolled her eyes, glancing back up at the clouds. She stared at the stag head, chuckling. "What a tense day this has been. I think a game of Go is in order…"

–––––––––––––

_She dashed up the steps of the apartment her father owned, beyond upset. Her heart was beating a thousand times per minute, and she felt the weirdest emotion welling up in her chest. It was like a mix between anger and sadness all rolled into one. She couldn't believe he'd said something like that!  
_

"_TenTen? You're home a little late… Were you practicing after school again?"_

_She turned and looked to her father, her bottom lip trembling. That little punk… It was all his fault she was feeling so upset. She was doing this for her mother. She had always done this for her mother…but what if he was right? There wouldn't have ever been a point in all of this studying and training and desire to be the best. It would've been all for nothing._

"_You don't look alright…is something wrong?"_

_She walked over to him, wrapping her arms around him. "D-Dad…w-was Mom…happy? I m-mean…was she happy with the life she had? Did she ever wish she could be something more, like a ninja or something?"_

_Her father squeezed her tightly. "Where'd this suddenly come from?"_

"_It's a long story…and I don't feel like telling you. Just…I need to know…was Mom happy with her life? Did she want to be a ninja like me?"  
_

_Her father laughed. "No…your mother was much too kind for that type of lifestyle. She was at her happiest when she was pregnant with you. It was a miracle when it happened, and she felt so blessed."_

_Her bottom lip quivered, and she broke down. It was the first time she'd ever cried, and for the first time she felt like she could finally relax. It seemed that Shikamaru kid had been right all along._


	6. A Change of Habit

_I edited the first two chapters to make them match up with the fifth chapter, consistent-wise, so I just went back and changed it so that TenTen was a year older and everything in those, too. There's hardly any difference in them, but if you really want to re-read it, feel free. I just changed three paragraphs. Not even worth going back and reading. I'll even tell you what I changed:_

_+ The first was the paragraph in which Shikamaru asks TenTen why she thought he was boring, and she asked him how he knew and he–instead of saying he was a few seats away–said he was really awake the entire time. (Chapter One)  
+ The second was when TenTen yells about Lee being babied and how she wishes she were in Asuma's team. Instead of her saying she wished she'd been put in his team, she says she wished _she were a year younger_ and placed in that team. (Chapter Two)  
+ The third was when Shikamaru was reflecting on what she had said, and he wished she were a year younger so she'd be able to be placed into his team, too. (Chapter Two)_

_This one was a fun chapter because it was fun making Shikamaru a hopeless romantic. I went and researched all different types of flowers and meanings of them, and I came up with these. Ino will mention some of these, but I figured I'd mention them to you now, so you fully understand just how much of a romantic Shikamaru becomes._

_Heliotrope – devotion  
Chamomile – energy in adversity  
Laburnum – pensive beauty  
Hollyhock – female ambition  
Cattleya Orchid – mature charm_

_Ino also tries to get her revenge on Neji in this chapter, using her own methods. It's quite entertaining, in my opinion. Of course, when it comes to her whole mind transfer skillz, I tend to forget if she can actually take over someone's body or just take over their mind to control their actions, like when she fought with Sakura in that one episode… I really have no idea what happened. All I know is some hair got cut and it made me laugh because it was way more dramatic than it should have been._

…_It was also fun because I made an allusion to deer's fascination with salt…and nearly directly referenced salt licks… Hee hee. Not to mention I also made a funny little joke in regards to how similar him and his dad solve problems when it comes to arguments–when the wife's on fire, stay out of the kitchen._

_Title of the chapter is due to the fact that so far, Shikamaru's tactics have been almost strictly sure to cause some form of harm to someone. Now, he's trying his best to be a good boy._

_Anyone else here have a deviantart account? No? Well, don't make one or anything. Their layout is total crap now and I can't even figure out how to delete messages. Bitches try to make everything too fancy. I'm getting old, you know! Pretty soon I won't even be able to upload to the internet! I don't even know how to use Vista! Geez! Now I know what it feels like to be an old person. Except I'm just living in the stone ages when it comes to technology. I swear I'm stuck in the nineties–where I spent most of my childhood. I still don't play X-box or Playstation. The only game consoles that make sense to me are the Nintendo 64 and Game Boy!_

_(I can still remember the days when the Gamecube was called by its codename the Dolphin, for Pete's sake!)_

_Oh! And before I forget! I gave TenTen's father a name! I named him Kansho. If I were using Japanese chapters, it would take the character for the chapter of a book "kan" and place it with the beginning of study or library, "shosai". There you have it. Kansho. At least, that's as much as I remember. Before he was Hiroshi, and that didn't really fit. I think Kansho sounds better when said with TenTen._

* * *

**The Ten Step Program**  
"_A Change of Habit"  
Steps Seven and Eight_

Shikamaru looked over at them, standing there and talking. At one point, TenTen touched Neji's hand and he just about lost control. It wasn't until Neji grabbed onto her hand and leaned toward her that Shikamaru finally lost all control and took action.

He stormed over, jabbing Neji hard in the back. Neji turned, only to meet Shikamaru's fist colliding with his nose. The Hyuuga doubled backward, completely stunned. TenTen gasped, and Neji bounced back from his hit just as quickly as he'd been hit, palms out.

His hands became engulfed in chakra as they went for Shikamaru's chest, and before Shikamaru could react, they'd impacted him–one against his heart, and the other a bit lower on the other side, directly over his lung.

He shot up, clutching the sheets and looking around wildly. He gasped for breath and put a hand to his chest, realizing he was fine–he wasn't dead yet. He panted a little, running a hand through his hair. It was just a dream… It was all just a dream.

Eyeing the hair tie–TenTen's hair tie–on the side table, he stewed over a plan in his mind. He'd been asking Chouji to do some information retrieval for him yesterday, and he already knew TenTen liked takoyaki and sushi, and he'd been researching different flowers and their meanings. By the time he got out of here, he'd be able to try out that idea Chouji had given him–cooking her some food–and Asuma's strategy.

Asuma'd sat down with him the entire day, playing shogi with him. There, he discussed his feelings for TenTen and asked how he could go about it. Asuma had suggested giving her flowers, and he figured that was a pretty good idea. Asuma had suggested a dozen roses…but he had a feeling TenTen wouldn't like something as sappy as that…

If he were to give her flowers, he'd make sure it was something unique to her, something no one else would even think about giving her. Roses were much too cliché for a girl like TenTen. No, his bouquet would be a direct mirror of her personality and all the things he liked about her.

Of course, he had to butter her up before the flowers, so he figured he should give her hair tie back to her…and apologize to Neji, so she'd see he wasn't completely evil. He grit his teeth, knowing he'd be having nightmares very much like the one he'd woken up from until he actually went and acted on his plan. He couldn't wait until morning; and he couldn't go back to sleep… He wondered what he'd do for the next four hours until the sun rose…

––––––––––––––––

Friday came, and Shikamaru finally felt completely well. His team came by to see him home, as did his parents, naturally. He wished he could've been happy, but he wasn't. He was absolutely dreading coming face to face with Neji again. After seeing Neji as unpredictable as that…he wasn't sure if Neji was safe…

He spent the rest of the day at home, sitting with Chouji and listening to him drone on and on about Hinata and how Shino and Kiba came up to him everyday and threatened to beat him up if he wound up hurting her. Finally, he shut him up by beating him mercilessly at shogi.

And then, Saturday came.

He got up early, going into the kitchen and pulling out some items from the fridge. He figured he could make some sushi rolls stuffed with crab and other sea-creatures. His father walked in, looking at the ingredients on the counter.

"Shikamaru, what are you doing?" When the boy picked up one of the fancy napkins his mother only used for special occasions, a smile lit up his old man's face. "Wow…" Shikamaru looked back at him, certain his father would praise him. "My son's finally turning into a young woman."

Shikamaru glared. "Dad…I'm making myself lunch. Last time I checked, that makes me responsible, not a woman…"

His father walked over, looking over the ingredients with a critical eye. "And last time I checked, you hated seafood. You refuse to eat anything with more skin and scales than fur or feathers…remember? Making this boxed lunch for a special boy, hmmm?"

Shikamaru groaned, getting started on making the rice. "_No_, Dad… I'm making this for TenTen. You know, the girl on Team Gai?"

His father stepped back, stroking the beard on his chin, deep in thought. "TenTen… TenTen… Hmmm… Oh! I know the one! I'd ask why you liked her, but then I remembered her father's the village librarian… …Now that I think of it, I knew her mother. Spoke to her a few times when we were younger… Not much, since she was barely well enough to leave her house, but I wound up playing a game of shogi against her due to a dare from my teammates. She was a demon, Shikamaru. She'd put you to _shame_… She had me whipped in twenty-seven moves!"

Shikamaru sighed again, trying his best to ignore him. "Yes…I've heard her mother was good at shogi… Now, can you leave me alone? I have to deliver this to her by lunch…"

"Alright, whatever you say…" His father left the room, leaving Shikamaru to do whatever it is he was doing. He poked his head back in after a moment, smiling. "Ah yes, and your mother will probably be angry at you for using the crab, so try not to come back home until she's gone to bed…"

Shikamaru nodded. "And if she asks me what happened, I'll tell her you found me with it right after I made the sushi, so all you could do was yell at me…"

"Thanks, son."

–––––––––––––––––

When he came to clearing TenTen and her team usually trained at, he found them all sitting in a circle, humming something that sounded like a mantra. He approached, his eye twitching.

After a short moment, Neji opened one eye and glanced at his teacher. "Gai-sensei…what is the purpose of this again?"

Gai's eyes never opened, though he still spoke with as much vigor as he usually did. "Before I can go back to letting you master opponents on the battlefield, you must first master yourself in meditation, Neji. We did the same thing when you nearly killed your cousin, and we'll be doing this until you're able to go four hours sitting still…"

"Four _hours_??" He shot up, throwing his hands in the air. "I don't have time for this." He turned to leave, but found Shikamaru blocking his way. His eyes narrowed, his voice went cold.

"What are _you_ doing here?"

His team opened their eyes, and Lee gasped, a smile gracing his face. "Shikamaru-san's back to tra–"

"Can it, Lee." TenTen stood up, her fists clenched. She looked at Shikamaru, walking over to stand next to Neji. "What did I tell you, Shikamaru? I told you to stop trying to get Neji angry! I told you not to do anything stupid! Now, the very day after you get out of the hospital, you come right back and–"

Gai stood up, pulling TenTen away a little, cutting her rant short. "Let them settle this dispute. I doubt either of them are foolish enough to get into another fight…"

Shikamaru nodded in Neji's direction. "I wanted to apologize, Neji. I nearly ruined you and your team's positions as ninja." He walked over, grabbing Neji's sleeve. "But I'm not through with you, yet." Neji, instead of ripping his arm away, stared Shikamaru down. The genius dragged the Hyuuga boy back into the woods, away from the prying ears from TenTen.

When he finally felt safe to speak, he promptly slugged Neji in the face. Neji stumbled backward, his eyes narrowing, the veins popping out, his hands clenching. He whirled back around, but stopped when he saw Shikamaru flinching horribly. He stopped, his face falling, his mouth opened in surprise. What the hell? Had he really scared Shikamaru _that_ badly? If he'd scared Shikamaru this bad, how badly had he scared _Hinata_?

After a while, Shikamaru opened his eyes. His voice was trembling. "I wasn't sure how you'd react to me punching you… I wanted to get you back for nearly killing me…but I was afraid you'd…" He shuddered, finding himself. When he turned back to Neji, there was a sickeningly smug smirk on the asshole's face, but he ignored it.

"But I'm not here just for that. I wanted to tell you that you can have TenTen. If you want her so much, then take her." He crossed his arms over his chest. "A girl like that is troublesome, and there's really no hope of me winning her over…" He chuckled, bringing his arms back away and shaking a finger in Neji's direction. "To be honest, she defended you even after you sent me to the hospital. There's no way she'd like me if she blamed me for something you did… So…you can have her. I don't even _want_ her anymore."

Neji nodded his head. "I'll be sure to thank you when I'm taking off her clothes."

Shikamaru swallowed the near-uncontrollable urge to strangle that bastard and turned away promptly. "I'd say see you later, but I hope I never will…Neji." He stormed off, fighting the urge to run back over and beat the living shit out of him. His only condolence was the fact that TenTen would surely approach him after their training let out to ask him what he and Neji talked about. And when that happened, he'd put Step Seven in play.

"_Step Seven: Return her hair tie, apologize and give her lunch."_

He went back to his favorite cloud-watching spot and waited. Sure enough, three hours later when the sun was directly overhead, he heard her footsteps in the grass. There was a tense moment of silence where he could hear her breathing lightly, ordering her thoughts together, before she finally spoke.

"Shikamaru, we need to talk."

He sat up, frowning. "Yeah? What is it?"

She went over, standing next to him. "What did you say to Neji? He's even less focused than before."

Shikamaru shrugged, standing. "Maybe it's because he's too busy figuring out how to _take your clothes off_ now that he thinks I'm no longer a threat. He lost control because he thought I liked you." He shrugged his shoulders chuckling lightly.

She hauled off and slapped him. "Don't accuse Neji of doing something like that, Shikamaru! I know he's ten times more of a gentleman than you! _He_ doesn't look at pictures of big-breasted women!"

Shikamaru rubbed his cheek, looking at the ground for a moment before turning his eyes to her. "Then why did he say he'd thank me when he was taking of your clothes?"

She seethed, her hand threatening to bring itself across his face again. After a short moment, she sighed, crossing her hands over her chest and looking away. After a moment, she turned back to him, her expression softened. "So…is that why he's got a bruise on his cheek? Did you punch him after he said that? Is that it?"

Shikamaru stared at her for a moment before he shook his head. "No. I told him he could have you if he wanted you so badly. It's not my problem if he likes someone like _you_."

She glared, her fists clenching. "So why does he have a bruise on his cheek!?"

"Oh, I punched him to get back at him beating me near death."

She nearly screamed, and she turned around sharply, fists clenched at her sides. For a while he heard her breathing heavily, trying her best to keep her temper down, and finally he tapped her on the shoulder, his voice calm. "TenTen…"

She spun around, a bit off-put and surprised by how calm he was, but soon her demeanor matched his. She sighed again, looking at him. "What _is_ it?"

He handed her the hair tie. "I never returned this. I think that's where Neji got the stupid idea that I liked you. Here. You can have it back. You look terrible with Ino's hair style, anyway."

She made a motion to smack him, but took the hair tie anyway. After a while, she took her hair out of the ponytail, tossing an extra hair tie to the ground. For a while he just watched the extra hair tie lying on the ground–had she planned on him keeping it in the first place? If she had an extra, why had she been putting her hair up like Ino's?

When he looked back at her, her hair was back to normal, back in the buns he knew her in so well. She smiled a little, narrowing her eyes. "There. Now I don't look _terrible_ anymore. Good-bye, Shikamaru."

Before she could storm off, he grabbed her arm. "Wait. Don't go just yet. I have something for you."

She spun around, glaring. "Oh, and what would _that_ be?? You aren't planning on giving me a piece of your mind, are you?" When he held out the boxed lunch to her, her face went red, and she stared at it as if it would bite her. "What…"

"I wanted to apologize to you as well. I know we've never gotten along, and I would like to extend this boxed lunch as a token of the fact that I would like us to at least _try_ and get along."

She took it, staring at the box objectively. After what seemed like forever, Shikamaru cleared his throat, mumbling a quick, "Open it". She did, and a smile reached her face.

"Oh, I love sushi!" She looked at him, her eyes suspicious, a sly smile on her face. "Just like I told Chouji the other day…"

Shikamaru smiled, rubbing the back of his head. "Yeah…I asked Chouji to find out what you liked… I didn't want to accidentally give you something you were allergic to and wind up having us at each other's throats twice as often…"

She smiled, taking a seat in the grass. "Okay. I'll buy that. Sit down. We might as well eat together if you want to start trying to get along with me." She glanced at him, pointing at the lunch, and he produced a pair of chopsticks.

He sat down, watching her pick up one of the crab sushi rolls with her chopsticks. He hoped she wasn't allergic to shellfish. That was the one thing he'd forgotten to ask Chouji. She put it in her mouth and started to gag, and he paled. Oh, fudge.

He leaned over, frantic. "Uh…T-TenTen?? Are you alright!? You're not–"

She swallowed it, sticking her tongue out and gagging again. "Shikamaru, taste this! It tastes terrible! There's too much salt on it!"

He grabbed the chopsticks, picking up one of the crab rolls and eating it. He rolled it around in his mouth for a while, tasting it with more inspection, before he looked back at her and swallowed. "It tastes fine to me."

Her face collapsed. "Pfffft…" She burst out laughing. "Geez, Shikamaru! You're _just_ like a deer! What do your parents feed you!? Salt pops!?"

His cheeks flared up and he chuckled a little, feeling awkward. Sure she was laughing at him…but it was a hell of a lot better than how they'd acted around each other before… He handed her the chopsticks, but she simply laughed and laughed and laughed, shoving the entire lunch back in his hands. His face paled when she spoke next, through her laughter.

"I'm…I'm sorry, Shikamaru… I…I like… I like salt as…as much as the next p-p-person, but I'd rather taste the f-f-f-fish than the salt… It was a nice try, though…"

She stood and walked off, her laughter dwindling into a giggle.

He sighed. "It was a crab roll… I guess she didn't taste it, though…"

Shikamaru looked at the lunch in his hands, put out. It was yet another fail– His eyes shot to the chopsticks, and he realized he'd eaten after her. That was practically an indirect kiss!

His cheeks went bright red and he shot up, jumping in the air, the boxed lunch falling to the ground and sushi rolls tumbling all over the grass. "Yes!!"

He was so happy, he forgot what he would tell his mother when he got home and his father wound up sleeping in the dog house.

––––––––––––––

He'd asked for Asuma for some books on flowers and their meanings, and he decided he should probably return them the next day. Asuma had picked books at random, so quite a few of the books were about planting flowers and flower arranging and one really sappy romance novel called The Meaning of a Rose. Talk about gag-worthy. It was almost as bad as that one novel he actually _read_. It was some really bad novel he'd found in his parents' room shoved under the tatami floor, and it looked really old and like it'd come from somewhere across the ocean. He'd forgotten the title, but all he remembered was that it reminded him of that battle he'd had with Neji, and he preferred not to think about the time he was almost killed.

If love was going to be so troublesome as to actually _kill_ for, he figured he'd just skip the entire thing. Of course, that was before he met TenTen. He was _much_ too young at that time to have understood anything in that book. Now that he was older and much wiser, he realized that love was sort of like that…except with much more failure.

Needless to say, he wasn't even going to read the synopsis for The Meaning of a Rose.

Regardless, he was walking into the library with the books–an entire bag full of them–and for whatever reason, the door was jammed. He glared at it, figuring he could use a jutsu or something on it, until it burst open, nearly knocking him over.

"Oh, my goodness! Are you alright, son?"

He looked up, half-expecting his father, but only due to the use of the word son. Whoever's voice this was sounded ten times softer than his father. What he found instead was a man of about the same age as his father, with dull brown hair and bright blue eyes. The man's eyes were creased in the corners; there were wrinkles on his forehead. He looked much older than his age should have been.

"Uh…yes. I'm fine…" He looked at his bag for a moment before looking at the man. "…Are you the librarian?"

The man smiled, and it was nearly blinding. "Why yes. I'm Kansho. And you are?"

"I'm Shikamaru…of the Nara clan. You may have met my father."

The man's eyes flickered, and he stood up straighter, holding the door open. He didn't acknowledge anything, and, rather, invited him inside. Shikamaru strode in, looking around at all the books. "Wow…there sure are a lot of books."

The man's face fell. "Yes, but we're all out of books on flowers. Apparently Asuma came by and checked all of them out…"

Shikamaru smiled, holding up the bag to him. "Oh! He checked those out for me. I've come to return them."

The man took the bags eagerly. "Ah, that's wonderful! Tsunade-sama will be so pleased to hear that…" He went to the front desk, throwing them all out in one swift motion. As he went through them, stamping the card on each of them, he turned to Shikamaru.

"You were the boy sent to the hospital by Neji, weren't you? My daughter was telling me about it the other day. She was really upset."

Shikamaru grumbled, leaning against the desk. "Yeah…well she's a bit selfish… She was more concerned with her training not being disrupted than me almost getting killed…"

He looked at him, his expression brightening. He chuckled. "She told you that, huh? Yes, that sounds like TenTen alright…" He picked up the sappy romance story, smiling. "Oh, TenTen's going to be happy to find this back at the library. This is her favorite book."

Shikamaru's jaw dropped and he stared at him. "Are you serious? She _likes_ that kissy crap?"

Kansho laughed. "Oh, yes. She hated it when it first appeared in the library. She thought the name was too cheesy. But then she read it and really liked it. Do you know it's about a woman who falls in love with a man she's never even seen, never even met? Really interesting plot, and it's a completely different reading experience." He stamped that one and went to the next book, leaving Shikamaru to contemplate if he'd even gotten TenTen's personality right. He picked up the book on flower meanings and noticed there were bookmarks. "Oh, are you done with this one?"

Shikamaru looked up, noticing the bookmarks. "Oh, yes… I guess I forgot to remove the place-savers…"

The librarian flipped open the book to the page on hollyhocks. There was a picture next to it, a hollyhock with pink petals speckled with a light dusting of yellow. "Hollyhock, eh?" He smiled. "Hollyhocks have always reminded me of my daughter. I give her one every year for her birthday… Looking at what it means, I'm surprised it's just as descriptive of her… Female ambition… Heh… She's more like her mother than she realizes. Her mother wanted to be the best at shogi…" He removed the bookmarks quickly, and Shikamaru watched him, too lost in thought, not even thinking.

"What are you looking up flowers for? Looking for something for a special girl?"

Shikamaru snapped out of his reverie, his eyes focusing back on the man in front of him. "Uh…yeah. It's nothing really special or anything… Just…some girl…"

Kansho smiled. "Good luck. I look forward to seeing the results…"

Shikamaru gave him a strange look before leaving the library. What did he mean by that? Did he know he liked TenTen? If that were the case, her father had just given him permission to pursue her… His cheeks tinged pink and he felt a slight itch of happiness rise up in his chest.

––––––––––––––––

And now he'd move on to Step Eight.

"_Step Eight: Flowers."_

He made his way over to the Yamanaka flower shop. Ino was sitting behind the counter, looking agitated. Shikamaru walked over, the bell giving a small tinkling when he walked through the door. "Hey, Ino."

Her face brightened a little, though she rested her chin in her hand, leaning over the counter. "What's going on with you, Shikamaru? I know you didn't come here to just chat with me…" She stood up straighter, her face softened. "How are you feeling…?"

Shikamaru nodded. "Fine, fine… I punched Neji in the face, so I feel a little bit better…"

She smiled evilly. "Please tell me you did more to him…"

"Nope. I was too afraid. Neji's really powerful, Ino."

Her face fell. "Well, yes…but I'm sure you could have taken him if you caught him off guard. Ambush him or something!"

"That would be rude… …I'm not here to talk. You're right… I want to buy a bouquet of flowers…"

Ino smiled a little, her tone breaching sarcastic. "Oh, dear. And just when we were having a lovely conversation…" Her smile fell, and she went into business mode. "So, what kind of a bouquet and how much? It's pretty rare to see you interested in flowers…"

Shikamaru pulled out a scrap of paper he'd written all of the flowers down on. He handed it to her, and Ino looked it over with a scrutinizing eye. After a while, she started to smile. "Some of these are pretty rare. You've been doing your research…" She leaned over her arm toward him, staring at him. "It's not like you to get so interested in anything…and especially not flowers… It's a girl, isn't it?"

Shikamaru's cheeks went pink, and Ino leaned back, shrugging. "Alright. Let me see if I can find some of the rarer ones…" She turned, glancing at him out of the corner of her eye. "You must like her a lot…"

Shikamaru rubbed his arm nervously as Ino set about the store, picking flowers, inspecting them, putting them down and getting different ones. As he watched, he noticed she was actually using a method. The heliotrope was bright purple and slightly rare, since it only grew in arid climates. And laburnum was even more rare and bright yellow. The rest came in a plethora or colours, but Ino was only choosing colours that would go with the heliotrope and laburnum.

She pulled the flowers out and set them on the counter, placing them into piles, the neutral one–the white-petaled chamomile–getting the most in the pile. When she had them all piled up, she went back to the counter, looking at him.

"Shikamaru, do you know what this bouquet screams?"

Shikamaru gulped, shaking his head. "No…"

She smiled. "If I were to go by colour, it would scream me, of course, but since I know you have no interest in me whatsoever–at least I _hope_ you don't–, it must be deeper than that…" She smiled, picking up the rare, tropical Cattleya Orchid. "This flower, if you were to take its meaning, represents mature charm…" She leaned back over the counter, being careful not to muss the flowers. "You like an older girl, don't you? And it can't be Sakura, since she's neither older than you or mature in any way… In fact, the only _older_ girl I see you talk to for any length is TenTen."

Shikamaru's cheeks deepened into scarlet, and Ino sighed. "Why did you _really_ get into that fight with Neji? And don't give me some story; give me the truth, Shikamaru."

As Shikamaru scrambled for a good lie, Ino picked up two flowers, one purple hollyhock and one laburnum. "Hollyhock, female ambition; Laburnum, pensive beauty. Hmmm…certainly sounds like TenTen to me…"

He grew flustered, finally blurting it out. "So what if I like her!? It's not like it's a crime to like a girl or anything!"

Ino's mouth opened, and she looked at him with wide eyes–she'd never seen him get so worked up over anything before. She faltered, putting the flowers down. "Wow…but…Shikamaru, I thought you hated her… Neither of you are nice around each other at all. Both of you are always taking cheap shots at each other and… Well, doesn't it bother you?"

He frowned. "Of _course_ it bothers me. Why do you think I'm giving her flowers? I want her, Ino. And if I'm ever going to do that, I'm going to need to make her see that I'm not as undedicated or lazy or uncaring as I act!"

Ino didn't say another word. She simply arranged the flowers into a bouquet and wrapped them up in a piece of white tissue paper. She looked back at him, her face completely serious. "It's free of charge."

Shikamaru took the bouquet, staring at it, looking back at Ino. "R-Really?"

She nodded, crossing her arms over her chest. "I figure you don't have any money to begin with…so…" She glanced out the window and a smile appeared on her face. "…There's TenTen. Now's your chance."

Shikamaru looked out the window, spotting her. "N-No. I can't. If Neji were to find out, he'd kick my ass. And what if she doesn't like them?"

Ino groaned, grabbing the bouquet from his hand. "I'll deliver them to her and say it's from a secret admirer. If she absolutely loves them, you can just walk right over and say they were from you, alright? Geez, you're such a pansy. I really doubt TenTen would like a man who wasn't even willing to fight for her…"

Shikamaru went to the window, watching. Ino gave it to her, and went back to the front of the shop. TenTen looked at the bouquet–all yellow and purple and white–and started beaming when she found the hollyhocks. A smile reached its way to Shikamaru's lips, and he stepped out of the shop.

Before he could even go up to her, he saw Neji walk up, carrying a single white lily behind his back. TenTen turned to him. "Oh, Neji! Look at these flowers! Ino said they were from someone close by! Are they from you??"

Neji looked panicked, and threw the flower behind him, stomping on it promptly. His chest puffed out and he walked over to her, smiling arrogantly. "Yes. Those are from me."

Shikamaru's jaw dropped. His plan had been so perfect! What happened!? Neji had completely taken credit for something he'd done! He stared at the two, watched how TenTen's eyes shone, and started to feel a sickening urge to actually _kill_ Neji rise up in him. He didn't just want to kill him: he wanted to torture him first, he wanted TenTen to _watch_, he wanted to do all sorts of evil things to the boy and watch him beg for his life!

"They're beautiful! I love them! Hollyhocks are my favorite! You're such a–"

That's when Neji pulled his pants down.

Everyone walking by instantly stopped and stared at the flasher, eyes wide, hands over mouths, women covering their children's faces, and Shikamaru's jaw dropped even farther. TenTen's jaws dropped, and she screeched. "_PERVERT!_" She turned sharply and stormed off, and Neji covered his goods, his face going a shockingly bright shade of red.

"W-Wait!" He called out. "It wasn't me, I swear! I don't even know why–"

Shikamaru heard a cackle beside him, and he looked over to see Ino rubbing her hands together. She looked over at him, smiling. "That gets Neji out of the way for you."

He burst out laughing, and soon both of them were staring at Neji pulling his pants up and running after her, trying to make TenTen see it wasn't his fault at all. Ino blew on her fingers, dropping her hands down to rest on her hips. "That'll teach that bastard to mess with _my_ team!"


	7. Fools Rush In

_Bahbahbah. Bah._

_Well…here it is… The last chapter. I'm almost sad that it's over… I feel almost like I did when I finally finished the last book in the Lord of the Rings. After an entire year and a half of devoting myself to reading it (and the footnotes), when it was over I felt slightly empty. I didn't want it to end!_

_Which is why I'm thinking about making a sequel. Don't worry. It won't be anything major (I'd really be overstaying my welcome, then.). Just a single, really long-ass one-shot. I'm still trying to figure out what will happen in it, but I'm pretty sure it will be done. Should I make it into a comedy or into something really nice and sweet? Hmmm… _

_I'd tell you all who was going to be in it, but that would ruin the surprise, wouldn't it? Hee hee. Trust me. It __won't__ include Sasuke. And hopefully not Neji. –shudder- I hate them both so much. Though, Neji's growing on me. And when I say growing, I mean I'd really love adding him into other stories as the token asshole. He's a fun character to play around with. Nevermind. Now that I've done some thinking, I think I'm actually going to have Neji and Sasuke in there. Hee._

_I actually had a ShinoKiba story that was absorbing my time and keeping me from finishing me this one. But someone set me on the right track. (Thanks for that.) However, there's also nothing quite like waking up and having a scare that you're urinating blood but discovering it's just your period and that's why you feel so bloated to make you want nothing more than just sit around and write. Not to mention my father was cooking green peppers today, and those things, when the scent reaches my nose, give me the most massive head-ache imaginable and I STILL have it four hours later. Though that probably has something to do with the computer as well… Ooops. In short, I worked my butt off in this chapter, and because I feel like crap, I don't think I did as good of a job on it as I wanted._

_But don't all writers find things wrong with their own work?_

_I'm not too pleased with the way it all plays out, but I do think I did a pretty good job with Neji, though. It would suck having Neji and Shikamaru at each other's throats at the end, because they really don't seem to care much about each other in the anime or manga, so I had to make sure it got tied off. Their rivalry, I mean. Same goes with TenTen and Neji and their little argument. I had to come up with something that would sort of make them no longer angry with each other, especially since Neji pulled his pants down in the last chapter… _

_Well, let's get this finishing chapter started off, shall we?_

_By the way, the Elvis song "Fools Rush In" is much too slow, which is why the song that fits this chapter the most in the one on the soundtrack for Marie Antoinette (the Kirsten Dunst movie.) This is the one:_

_"Fools Rush In" (Kevin Shields Remix) - Bow Wow Wow_

_I really like it. It's so fast-paced and happy-sounding._

_(I'm still upset that there's no instance in here for me to reveal that Neji telling Shikamaru about taking off TenTen's clothes was just an act to see if Shikamaru really did care for TenTen after all. But now you know. He's not a pervert, just a bastard.)_

* * *

**The Ten Step Program  
**_"Fools Rush In"  
Steps Nine and Ten_

Neji growled, walking to the flower shop. He'd been wracking his brain for two days, trying to figure out who it was that could possibly have caused him to go do that…and he hadn't seen any shadows connected to him, so that left one person…

He stomped into the flower shop, surprised to see Ino's father in there. He looked over at the boy, narrowing his eyes. "Hey…aren't you the flasher?"

Neji sputtered. "N-No! It was your daughter's fault! She told me to do it!!"

Her father blinked, his eyes narrowing further. "She wouldn't tell you to do something so disgusting. Now get out of my shop before I throw you out, pervert."

"What…" He faltered, trying to put the feeling into words. "No! What I mean is she probably did something! I know she did, because I had no control over what I was thinking! It was like someone kept whispering, 'Pull your pants down, asshole' in my head! It was her; I _know_ it was her! She did it right before I could kiss my girl! And before I knew it, my hands were moving before I could stop them!"

For a sickeningly tense moment, the man looked at him with an accusing eye, until he burst out laughing. Neji tried to get him to stop, but he wouldn't. After a while, her father stopped, looking at him. "That sounds like something my daughter would do, alright. Are you Sasuke? No…you can't be… Those are the Hyuuga eyes…" His eyes narrowed, and he spat. "You're Neji, aren't you?"

Neji shook his head desperately, wondering why on earth this freak would have something against him. He certainly seemed angry. "N-No…" It didn't get by Ino's father, however.

"You nearly killed my best friend's pride and joy, you little snot. What do you have to say for yourself!?"

Neji's face dropped, and he took a few steps back. "Uh…he was…he was trying to steal my girl?" His nodded his head, feeling stronger. "Yeah! It was a battle for love! Now, I think your daughter owes me an apology! You should punish her!"

Her father burst out laughing again. "An _apology_!? Punishment!? I should buy her a new outfit for doing that to you! She should be given a medal! Aside from becoming a ninja, that's the biggest accomplishment I could ever be proud of!" His face fell, and his voice darkened. "Now get out of my shop before I tell your uncle about your little 'accident' the other day. He won't be happy to hear his nephew is tossing his pants on the ground and running around showing his goods to people on the street."

Neji dashed out of the store as fast as he could, slamming directly into TenTen. Both kids toppled over each other into the street, Neji landing with his face just inches from TenTen's breasts. He went bright red, shooting upward. "T-T-T-Ten–TenTen! I didn't see you!"

She groaned and sat up, her eyes adjusting. When she spied who it was, she went rigid, cold. "Oh. If it isn't Mr. I-Take-My-Clothes-Off-In-Public… What do you want?"

Neji stuttered. "You have to believe me this time! I swear, even Ino's _father_ agreed Ino did it! You believe me, don't you??"

TenTen sighed. "Not _this_ story again. What makes you think Ino did it, Neji?"

"I told you! It was like my hands were moving on their own! I kept hearing this voice in my head, and it was calling me an asshole! You _know_ Ino's still bitter about what I did to Shikamaru! And Shikamaru must've said something to her! He must've _told_ her to do it! I know it was them! Please!" He dropped to his knees, his hands linked together, thrust up at her, begging desperately. "Please believe me, TenTen! You know I'd never do anything to hurt you!"

TenTen crossed her arms over her chest, looking away, at all the people starting to watch. "Neji, could we do this somewhere else…? You're causing a scene…"

"Not until you believe me!"

She sighed, narrowing her eyes at him. "So why is it that Shikamaru said you wanted to take my clothes off?"

Neji's face went red and he stared at her, his jaw dropping, his mouth closing every so often and making him look exactly like a fish. "Wha… But…! Wait, TenTen, Shikamaru's _lying_ to you, don't you see!? He wants to mess me up! He wants me to fail so he can have you all to himse–"

"I've heard _enough_, Neji! Shikamaru isn't the type of person who'd lie like that! You were obviously making a mistake when you thought he liked me! I can understand you'd be jealous, but paranoid is a completely different case, and it's very unbecoming!"

She started to walk away, but Neji wouldn't take no for an answer. "Please, TenTen! Aren't we teammates!? You're supposed to trust your team! How can you trust someone you can't even get along with over your own teammate??"

"Neji, I respect you. I _do_, but as far as I'm concerned, you're not the type of person I'd like to become involved with!"

"Oh, please? Just give me a _chance_, TenTen! I'm smart, I'm strong, I'm dedicated!"

"You're _too_ dedicated! You won't relax for one second! All you talk about is training! I'm sick of hearing about how your uncle's training you! Sure I was interested at first, but now it's all you talk about! Either that or it's some line with you! You're my friend Neji, but that's it."

She turned to leave, but Neji grabbed her arm, enraged. "Are you serious!? You think _I'm_ dedicated and it's a bad thing!? All I talk about is training!? All _you_ talk about is training, TenTen! It's either that or how great Tsunade is and how much you want to be like her! How female ninjas need more respect! It gets on my nerves, too, but I like you just fine the way you are! Even if you are a little bitchy!"

She stared at him for a long while, something lurking in the recesses of her eyes, until her narrowed. "What did you say?"

"I like you the way you are!" He smiled, hopeful she'd see how much he cared. "You're really great, TenTen! Sure your family's nothing special and your dad's the librarian and you don't really have a lot going for you, but I know how that feels! My dad–"

"Not a lot going for me? Not a lot _going_ for me!? I have way more going for me than you might think, you piece of shit! How _dare_ you assume that it's okay to just spout that off without there being a problem! You think I'm going to suddenly become interested in you after you insult _my_ upbringing and _my_ father?! You've got another thing coming, Neji! My father is a far better man than you give him credit for, and it doesn't matter if he isn't a precious little ninja like your uncle! I like my father the way he is, and you have no right to accuse me of coming from some place that's 'not special'! What do you have? You have a marking on your head that says you're a loser that will never amount to anything. I don't have that. How can you say you can relate to me with only _that_? Your father _was_ a ninja. You _do_ have something special from your family, even if you can't see it. If being a ninja is what's required for being 'special', you obviously haven't been out of your little bubble. My father has a daughter that loves him and a job he enjoys. Sure, he's not a ninja, but it doesn't make him any less of a man than you."

Neji's jaw dropped. "What did you say? How can you just bring that up!? You don't know anything about my family, about my pain!"

"Oh please. You're starting to sound like Sasuke, Neji. It's time to stop whining and start doing."

"I _am_ doing!" In his anger, he raised his hand to strike her.

And then, he was slammed to the ground. He didn't even know what hit him. TenTen gasped, and she took a few steps back. "Sh-Shikamaru??"

––––––––––––––––––––

Shikamaru was walking down the street, stewing over those words Ino had told him. TenTen wouldn't like a man who wasn't willing to fight for her. …Hadn't he fought for her when he was fighting with Neji? No…he was fighting to destroy Neji, not to beat him. That was the problem, wasn't it? He wasn't fighting to beat Neji for TenTen's affections. He was just wanting to destroy him to get him out of the picture. That wasn't what rivalry should've been.

He'd been looking at it all wrong, hadn't he? Instead of doing it to destroy Neji, he should've been doing it to show TenTen he could be strong for her. Of course he would've lost to Neji if that was his goal. It wasn't like he'd _actually_ be able to destroy Neji.

But if he were doing it to show he could fight for _her_, he couldn't lose, even if Neji beat him within an inch of his life again. That was it! That was the step he needed to take–he had to show TenTen he could fight for her…that he could be _strong_ for her.

And if that didn't work, he didn't know what would.

"_Step Nine: Fight for your woman."_

And that's when he discovered them having an argument outside of the Yamanaka flower shop. He hung back, watching the fight enfold. They were shouting about something, and that's when Neji raised his arm to strike her.

For whatever reason, all logic seemed to go flying out the window. He could've easily stopped it with his shadow jutsu; he knew he could've…but instead, his body moved and he'd tackled Neji to the ground, pinning his arms to the ground with his legs. Despite the face that his brain didn't seem to be thinking logically anymore, that thought just kept repeating in his brain– _"Neji's hands are his strength. Make his hands unusable."_

"Sh-Shikamaru??"

He could hear her behind him, but he didn't seem to care. All he knew was that Neji was going to _hit_ her. He'd been hit by Neji before to know that if he'd lost control, he probably would've hurt her pretty bad. So, he did the only thing he could do–make Neji unable to fight.

He slammed his fist into Neji's face over and over and over again. What the hell was he doing? He wasn't thinking clearly? There was a part of him that was telling him to stop, but his fists refused. That impulse cut off at his shoulders, refusing to go beyond that.

Even when he drew blood, his hands refused to stop beating into Neji's face. Soon, he was shouting.

"Don't you _dare_ raise your hand to her, you bastard! I saw you raising your hand! You don't hit women, no matter how angry they make you! Do you understand!?"

Neji coughed, and Shikamaru's fists finally stopped. He suddenly went back to earth, and realized what he'd done. He stood up, panting heavily, hands trembling. Shit. He hadn't meant to lost control like that. Why had he lost control like that? He'd just gotten so angry and…

"…Shikamaru…"

He turned around to see TenTen staring at him, a horrified look on her face. "Y-You…"

Neji stood coughing up a tooth. It looked like a molar. How he managed to get a molar instead of the front teeth-the ones that were far easier to break–, he had no idea. Neji stared at him a long moment, before he took a step back. What was Neji doing?

The other boy closed his eyes tightly, and he wiped the blood off his face. "Shit…" He took another step back, and Shikamaru swore he saw a tear drip its way down his face. "Whatever. I'm sick of this. I'm sick of everything, Shikamaru. Whatever. I don't care anymore. All I know is I shouldn't be fighting you anyway."

TenTen gasped. "Neji! You're alright! Oh, thank goodness."

He nodded, sighing bitterly. "Here I am, worrying about _you_ when I should be worrying more about my training. I have to prove myself to Uncle Hiashi, and getting beaten up by Shikamaru and fighting with him is too distracting. Besides, he said the next time I got into a fight like this, he'd end my training. He doesn't want me using it for petty reasons like this… So I don't care anymore." He wiped at the blood again and turned around. "I'll just say I fell or something."

Shikamaru stared at him, eyes wide. He'd won? A smile crept onto his face. He'd won! He'd finally beaten Neji! He turned to TenTen, proud of himself, but she was looking at him like he was the enemy.

"Shikamaru! How could you!? I thought you had more sense than that! I could've handled it! I know Neji's not the type of guy I want, but you didn't have to step in like that!"

His jaw dropped. "Wh-What!? I practically save him from popping you one in the jaw and you blame _me_!? You say _I'm_ the one in the wrong!? I don't care if you're some macho woman ninja that feels she needs to protect herself, damn it! I'd like to do it every once in a while, too!"

Her cheeks flushed pink and she stared at him. "Wh-What? You just said…"

He slapped a hand over his mouth, falling silent, his cheeks went bright red and he looked down. He'd gone and said something that sounded almost like a confession. Shit! Now he felt silly.

There it was, step ten. The step he'd been trying so hard _not_ to resort to. And he went and accidentally blurted it out…

She started to laugh. "I _knew_ it! I knew you liked me! I knew it ever since you asked me if Neji and I were going out! No guy asks that without a reason, Shikamaru. Even if you played it off like it was nothing, I knew it! I mean, sure after you started going on about how you didn't punch Neji because he said he wanted to take off my clothes, I thought you'd given up since Neji had beaten the life nearly out of you, but you really still like me, don't you!?"

His hand fell and his jaw dropped. He gave her a look that clearly stated he felt betrayed. "Y-You knew all this time!? Why the hell didn't you say anything!?"

"It was fun seeing you get flustered. By the way, my favorite attempt of yours is by _far_ that little episode with Sasuke." She started to laugh. "For you to actually _kiss_ him!" She broke down, bursting into hysterics. She tried speaking, and found she couldn't. "The look… Pfffft! The…" She laughed and laughed and laughed until finally she wiped a tear from the corner of her eye and calmed down a little. "The look on both of your faces when you realized you guys were kissing… I've never seen anything so hilarious before!"

Shikamaru scratched his face, looking to his face. He chuckled a little. "You should've been there when Naruto actually got knocked into Sasuke and they wound up kissing…"

TenTen started to laugh again. "I knew he was a waste of penis! That poor guy can't get a break! He's probably never had a real first kiss with a girl before! And now…now he's kissed two guys!"

Shikamaru deflated. She didn't like him at all, did she? She was just laughing it off like it was nothing. She probably saw him just as she saw Neji–a team mate, a friend, nothing more. He started to walk off, and TenTen stared at him.

She smiled. "Where are you going, looking deflated? You still haven't responded!"

He turned around, anger welling up in him. He spun around. "What the hell do you want me to _say_!? You don't like me at all, still! It doesn't matter if I've liked you ever since I met you at the Academy! Or the fact that I liked how you weren't like all the other idiotic girls, or how you were always trying to better yourself, or how you wanted your friends to see there was more than just boys! I mean, I even like how methodical you are in everything you do! You think through things and you play Go! You're just so _perfect_!" he clenched his fists. "I like everything about you, even that stupid anger disorder you grew out of! Why do I even like _that_!? It's just like my _mother_!" He sighed, looking back down at the ground, his hands unclenching. "I even researched flower meanings in the hospital and made a bouquet that had all the things about you in there that I liked… Hollyhock, Laburnum, Chamomile, Heliotrope, Cattleya Orchid. But then Neji had to go and throw the lily he'd found that _clearly_ didn't represent you at all on the ground and take credit for _my_ gift to you."

Her cheeks flushed pink, red, finally scarlet. "…That…That was from _you_? You gave me those flowers…?"

He crossed his hands over his chest. "Yes. Asuma said flowers would work nice, but he suggested roses, but I thought those were too cliché for a girl like you… I wanted it to be unique…"

"That's so sweet…"

"Yeah. I worked my ass off. And I had to go without cloud-watching. Instead I was looking through books day and night. But I can see it was really all for nothing."

Her voice went soft, almost timid. "…Wh-What do those flowers represent, anyway?"

He sighed, his face lighting up like a boiled lobster. "Um…Hollyhock is female ambition… Laburnum is pensive beauty… Chamomile is energy in the face of adversity… Er…Heliotrope is devotion and Cattleya Orchid is mature charm…"

"Oh…that's so _sweet_… You're a great guy, Shikamaru… To be honest, I…um…that day when you said all those things about my mother… I went home and talked to my father, and it turned out you were right along…" She went red. "I…um…I really liked you after that… I was just waiting for you to say it first…"

Shikamaru paled. Chouji had been _right_! What the hell?? Chouji had been right all along! She was just waiting for him to just _say _it! He could've avoided all of this trouble by doing the one thing that seemed the most troublesome in his head! He could have avoided _kissing_ _Sasuke_ this whole time!? He could have avoided that trip to the hospital, or wear that…that youth-suit thing…or even that whole mess with the girly magazine!? He'd bought that thing by begging his _dad_. Now his dad thought he was "growing up and growing interested and just plain growing" or whatever the hell his father had said to him when he bought it for him.

He could've avoided his mother screeching at him for using up all the crab in the fridge? _Seriously_??

He resisted the urge to faint and just accepted it as foolishness. He really was foolish. Going through all this trouble for a girl that just wound up reminding him of his mother in the first place. He had to be crazy–it was like some kind of vicious cycle his father started, and now he was winding up becoming exactly like his old man. He'd been hoping for _so_ long that he'd become just like Asuma one day…but no. Now he was _just like his dad_. It was enough to make any young boy go falling to their face.

He sighed, crossing his arms over his chest. "…So…you liked me ever since the Academy, too?" When TenTen nodded her head, he went red again. "Ah man… I could've avoided all of this trouble by just telling you in the first place…"

TenTen smiled. "But it makes for a funny story to tell your children, right?"

Shikamaru gave her a horrified look. "Oh, please don't tell me you want kids _now_!"

She went red. "Wh-What? I never said anything about that… I just thought you'd…"

"What, you think I'm going to marry _you_? Who'd want to marry someone as troublesome as you anyway?"

She glared, putting her hands on her hips. "I certainly wouldn't want to marry _you_, you jerk! I never said anything about marriage! You're the one that brought it up! We're way too young to even care about stupid stuff like that!"

"All girls are alike. All they want to do is get married."

"Oh _yeah_!? Well you said I wasn't like most girls!"

"But you want to get married like them."

"You big jerk!"

He smiled, shrugging his shoulders. "I'm just too childish for dating or marriage or kids or anything like that… Sorry."

"Oh yeah!? Well at least I'm more mature than you! I'm a year older than you, Shikamaru! You better respect your elders!"

"Good. That means you have a higher chance of dying before me."

"Oh, you asshole! I take back what I said! I don't like you one bit!"

As TenTen grew enraged, Ino walked up, holding her head in her hands. "Geez, you guys. You fight like an old married couple… I could hear you all the way over on the other side of the village for crying out loud…"

They both went red, and Ino sidled up to Shikamaru, nudging him playfully. Her voice lowered, and she whispered near him. "So, did you tell her yet? I saw Neji a while back and he looked all bloodied up…" A grin split across her face. "That'd be cool. Then you could go on double dates with Chouji!"

Shikamaru shot her a look and walked over to TenTen, grabbing her hand. "We have to go, Ino. Sorry, but we can't chat…" He glanced over at TenTen, blushing. "Uh…we should have lunch…or something…dateful…"

TenTen rolled her eyes, chuckling. "You may be a genius, Shikamaru, but when it comes to love you're a complete idiot."

He stared at her for a long while before he skidded to a halt. He felt obligated to finish his list off. He'd never officially gone through it in his mind, and it was making him feel like he hadn't tied anything off. She stared at him for a moment, giving him a strange look.

"Shikamaru, why the hell did you stop?"

He bent down kissing her. "I really, really like you, TenTen."

He put his hands on his hips, feeling proud of himself. He'd done it, finally! Step Ten, completed!

"_Step Ten: Tell her how you feel."_

She smirked. "That was nice…but we've already kissed before." She grabbed his hand dragging him off. "Sorry, Shikamaru, but I got the first kiss in with that meal you made for me, remember? Just remember–I'll always be one step ahead of you, no matter how smart you may think you are…"

He groaned: TenTen had him whipped.

––––––––––––––––––

Sasuke sighed, walking around the village aimlessly. He'd gotten kissed by a boy twice so far, and now it looked like he'd never get a kiss from an actual girl he didn't find annoying or crazy…

He looked up to see Temari standing over by the ramen stand Naruto frequented. His face brightened, and he walked over to her. "H…Hi."

She looked him over, appraising the specimen before her. "Hey." She went back to standing there, ignoring her slightly. After a moment, she turned to him, eyes wide. "Hey, woah! You're Sasuke! Shikamaru wanted me to talk to you! He sent me this message the other day, but I didn't take him seriously until I learned he was in the hospital. So, I made my way over as fast as possible." She shrugged. "I can't imagine why he'd want me to talk to _you_. We've had some bad times in the past…"

Sasuke's face brightened. Shikamaru hadn't lied to him at all! He really _had_ pulled through for him. He looked at her, grabbing her hand. "He wanted you to go out on a date with me!"

She pulled her hand out of his grip. "Woah, woah, _woah_, kid. I'm too old for you. Besides, I already found a guy who was really sweet. He's having a little trouble bouncing back after quite a nasty spill he had with a girl he liked. His rival beat the crap out of him, so I offered to help him out. He's not that bad of a guy, actually."

Neji walked up, giving Sasuke a glare. "Uh…hi, Sasuke… What are you doing here?"

Sasuke stuttered, unable to believe it. Temari smiled, her eyes alight with pity. "If only I'd run into you earlier. Sorry, Sasuke…" She shrugged her shoulders and wrapped her arms around Neji's arm. "Come on, Neji. You're treating me to lunch, remember?"

As they walked off, Sasuke felt his ego shatter completely. Whatever was left was lying on the ground. In an act of desperation, he went after them, breaking out into a run. "Hey! Wait, wait! J-Just let me at least have a kiss or something!"

Neji and Temari both turned around, just in time for him to trip on a rock. He went flying, his face slamming into Neji's, and both boys went toppling to the ground. Sasuke opened his eyes to find him in the most passionate accident he'd ever been a part of. Since his mouth had been open, he was literally sucking face with the Hyuuga boy now. Not to mention he was also straddling him.

Temari gasped, and Sasuke shot up, wiping his tongue. "Oh, shit! Shit, shit, shit! This is so gross! Oh hell! Why me!? My first French kiss and it's with a guy, too! Oh geez, why is that everything I do makes me look gay?? **WHY AM I SO CURSED!?**"

He dashed off and Temari helped Neji up. His face was red, and he glanced over at Temari. After a while, his hand clamped down over his mouth. "Holy hell… Oh my shit… I'm the unluckiest bastard in the world." He went running off in the opposite direction, his cheeks still blaring red. "How could this happen!? Why did I _like_ it, damn it?? **WHY AM I SO UNLUCKY!?**"

Temari threw her hands up in the air. "This is why I _hate_ visiting Konoha!" She stormed off, grumbling something about Konoha being ten times crazier than Suna, despite the fact that half the men there looked like drag queens.

--

_Fin._


End file.
